Bean
by Team Frank
Summary: Brooke Davis always had an easy life. But then one night, everything changes. Her world turns upside down. And then the pregnancy test shows positive…
1. Prologue: June

**Ok, I'm just going to go straight into this and explain everything next chapter. Hope you like it!**

**Bean**

Prologue – June

I went out to have some fun. No strings attached. Well, it didn't exactly turn out like that. There were strings. The first being that it was as far from fun as it could be. And the second is that now I'm sitting on my bed holding a positive pregnancy test.

I bought the first test about an hour ago, read the instructions five times over before I started and another two times while I was waiting. A cross appears if it's negative, a line if it's positive. A strong, haunting line appeared on the display. I tried the other test in the pack. A line.

I almost ran down to the drugstore and bought three more packs, making sure I didn't see anyone I knew, because that would have been bad. All the time I was thinking, 'Please be negative, damn you, be negative. I'm seventeen years old. I have to finish school, then I have college, and a job. _I have my life._

When I got back to my house I locked myself in my room and tried all the tests in my bag. Not one negative among them. All stupid, stupid lines. I'm sitting on the bed with the last one I took, tears streaming down my face. I was angry, then I was upset, now I'm just scared.

I'm pregnant. And I don't know what the hell I'm going to do.


	2. Part 1: March

**Hi everyone and thanks for all the reviews – they were all really flattering.** Beccy Tee **– it gets happier, I promise!** IndieBoyheartsCurly**, sorry, this is going to be a pretty short chapter too, because I'm just setting the scene, but they will get longer. What I just wanted to do with the prologue was get across how worried and scared Brooke was, so I tried to get straight to the point. I hope this is more to your satisfaction!**

**Just to explain a little, what I'm going to do each chapter is have a little bit of June, then go back a couple of months, moving on a month each chapter. I know that probably sounds really confusing, but hopefully it'll make sense when it gets there. I did some calculations, and if they're right, then this begins at the end of S1. Anything that happens after that is up to me! By the way, Lucas didn't come back from Charleston and Peyton and Brooke did open his letter. And, by way of a dislclaimer, I don't own any of One Tree Hill, sadly. Anyway, here we go!**

Chapter 2 – March

I'm pretty pissed off with Lucas Scott right now. Not only did he cheat on me with my former-but-sort-of-friends-again-now best friend Peyton Sawyer, but he also left for Charleston a week ago without saying goodbye to either of us, just leaving a letter each taped to my front door.

I've read mine over and over again, so that now the edges are ripped and the corners are crumpled. It says:

_Dear Brooke,_

_I wanted to tell you again just how sorry I am for what I did to you. I know you don't want to listen to me, but here it is. I never, ever meant for it to happen. I never, ever meant to hurt you. And I never, ever wanted you to feel the way you feel about me now. That was never my intention._

_I've gone to Charleston in the hope of a new start. I hope, maybe when we're older and wiser, we can talk again, and in my wildest dreams you'll forgive me. _

_A wise man once wrote: "Sometimes we have to choose between what is right, and what is easy." I chose the easy way – to try to have both you and Peyton, while the right way would have been to have neither of you. And you don't know how much it hurts me that I also hurt you._

_I will be sorry for the rest of my life._

_Lucas._

I can't actually believe he had the nerve to write that. Because he didn't exactly seem sorry. Less than a week after it all came out that he had been seeing Peyton behind my back, he went and hooked up with some slut he met in a bar. Yeah, that's exactly what you do when you want to be forgiven. Peyton and I sort of drifted back together after that.

I've been friends with Peyton Sawyer for as long as I can remember clearly. On our first day of Kindergarten, two boys poured water from the sink on my hair, which I'd begged and begged my mom to curl for me. I started crying, so Peyton came over with a towel and dried it off for me, saying "Don't worry, you look prettier with straight hair," and we became best friends. Then after her mom died, when we were about eight or nine, we went from being BFFs to almost sisters. We were inseparable; nothing could split us up.

Except Lucas.

He was the first thing we ever fought over. She wanted him, I wanted him, but he wanted her. She was dating Nathan, Lucas' brother, at the time, so I assumed I had a bit of a headstart. But while I thought I had Lucas, and I was slowly but surely falling in love with him, Peyton had him all the time. And I was just too stupid to realise it.

Nathan got married last week too. This girl Haley, she's sort of friends with Peyton, she started tutoring Nathan, and then they started dating, and then they got married on the beach. It's so sickeningly sweet, it makes me want to puke. I mean, married in high school? Yeah, like that's ever going to work. Either they think they're in love, or Tutor Girl is very much pregnant. Tick the appropriate box, please.

I've got my money on the latter. I'm not sure if love exists at the moment.

It would be kind of funny if Haley was pregnant, to be honest. I mean, everyone thinks she is so perfect, but I just can't see the halo. It would shatter everyone's illusions of her in an instant if she announced she was gonna be a mommy. Nathan's dad would be pleased though; he got like two girls pregnant at out age – one of them Nathan's mom, Deb, and the other one–

Sorry, I got off track. Yeah, if Tutor Girl got knocked up. God, I hope that never happens to me. I mean, it's not going to. They taught us all about the dangers in health class, so I always use protection. I'm not on the Pill because when I tried it I started to gain weight like crazy, but if neither of us have a condom, we don't have sex. It's sort of a rule of mine.

I know, I know, Brooke Davis abstaining? But I really, really, really don't want to get pregnant. At least until I'm grown up and settled and married to someone like Lu–

Oh my god, I can't believe I'm still moping over him! Yes, I thought he was a great guy, but _he cheated on me! _Even so, I just can't get him out of my head. I guess, in a way, no matter how hard I try, I'll always feel some sort of connection, some sort of thread that binds us together.

Great, I'll _always_ be hung up on Lucas Scott.


	3. April

**Hello! OK, just to explain, yes, chapter 2 is set three months before the prologue, before Brooke finds out she's pregnant. Similarly, the bulk of this chapter is set in April, one month after chapter 2. (But the first bit is set in June). I know it's a bit confusing, but hopefully it'll get easier to work out!**

**Again, thanks for the reviews. I love Brucas too (who doesn't?), but (for now) we're focusing on Brooke. Who knows, later on in the story…**

**Just a warning about this chapter – there is a scene which some readers may find distressing or upsetting. I won't go into detail because it'll spoil the plot, but it's not too graphic. I'm sorry if you are upset.**

Chapter 3

_June_

_I've gone from being scared from being angry again. _How could he do this?_ I kick my bed. _I hate him so much!_ I punch the wall. And all the time the tears are streaming down my face and they just won't stop and I want them to stop and I– I pick up a photo frame from my desk and throw it on the floor. The glass smashes and I run to my drawer, pull out the half-drunk bottle of vodka and start slugging from it – one, two, three. Then I remember why I'm angry and realise I can't drink, so I throw the bottle at the wall and then sink to the floor. My body is shaking from the tears now._

_I brush off the glass and pick up the photo I dropped. It's a picture of me and Peyton on our first day of high school. We both look so excited, so happy. Peyton. I want Peyton. But she's out at the end of year friendly game at school. I should be at the game, but I told Coach Durham I was sick. I wasn't exactly lying._

_I check the clock. It'll only be ten minutes or so until Mom and Dad get back. I need to be somewhere I can just cry and scream and shout, where I don't need to worry about anyone finding out. And suddenly I know where to go. I grab my keys and run out, sobbing, to the car._

April

The music was pumping hard and loud and I was dancing next to a very, very hot guy. It was Friday night, Peyton had flu or something, so I'd gone out with the express intention of picking someone up.

I wasn't disappointed. Within five minutes of sitting down at the bar, at least half the room had eyed me up. Then this one guy, who couldn't have been much older than me anyway, came and sat next to me. I looked him up and down. He had dark, almost black hair, sparkling eyes and an amazing body, shown off by his tight blue t-shirt.

"You want a drink?" He placed his hand on my leg.

"No." I gave him a long, hard, sexy kiss. He was a damn good kisser. "I wanna dance." I grabbed him by the hand and led him onto the floor.

We danced for what seemed like hours. I love that feeling, you know, when it seems like there's only you in the world. Like nothing else matters. Well, I used to love it. Now it's one of the worst feelings in the world. But this was beautifully sensual, not sexy, but intimate, close. After a while he took me by the hand and took me to a little alcove by the back of the club and started kissing me. My night was going exactly to plan.

He ran his hands up my body, over my breasts, up my neck, through my hair. He made his way from my collarbone to my lips, his kiss burning where he touched. His tongue begged entrance and, let me tell you, it was readily accepted. It was divine, but then I looked around and realised it was the exact same place I'd first kissed Lucas, on our 'read a book, get a date' date. It felt like a lifetime ago, but the memory was still branded into my mind.

"Do you want to get out of here?" I broke away from the kiss.

"Sure, if you're up for it. You're not going to blow me off, are you?" he kissed me softly on the lips.

"Of course not. I asked, didn't I?"

"Great. My car's outside." He took me by the waist and led me to the door, nodding to his mates on the way out, as if to say, 'Yes, I've scored.'

Ok, I didn't want to do it on the back seat of his car. But I did want to do it. And he did have leather seats.

I dropped my purse and jacket on the floor and pulled him back on top of me. One by one our items of clothing were removed; my skirt, his jeans, my top, his shirt, until we were both in our underwear.

It was so intense, so heavy, so, so good that I almost forgot my rule.

"Wait." I lifted myself up, placing my finger on his lips. There should have been one in the front pocket of my purse. No. There were none in the main pocket. I checked the pockets of my jacket. Nothing there.

"Do you have a condom?" I sat up, knowing that if he was like most guys, the session would have to be postponed.

"No. Does it matter?" he started to undo my bra.

"Yeah, actually, it does." I pushed him away. "Look, either we can go down to the drugstore and buy one, or I'm going."

"Whatever." he pushed me back down onto the seat so I was lying again and started pulling at my thong. I tried to get him off me but he was just too strong, too determined. It was then that I started to get scared.

Next all I remember is screaming and begging him to stop. And the pain. I remember the pain. It was like a bad dream, where you want to wake up so badly, but you just can't, and you're stuck in a world of nightmares, dark and shadowy and terrifying. Yes, it was just like a nightmare.

After he'd finished he said, "Now, I didn't want to do that, but if you won't put out, what am I supposed to do? I'm going back inside now, and if you're not gone by the time I get out, I'll do it again. Do you get it?"

I was too scared to do anything, afraid that if I so much as shifted he'd touch me again. Whenever he moved at all, just his arm or his head, then I would flinch, my whole body, without meaning to.

He shouted in my ear, "Do you get it?"

I tried to nod.

"Good." He put on his jacket. "I knew you were frigid but I didn't think you were deaf." He opened the door, climbed out and left.

I sat in the back seat, shaking and sobbing for what must have been at least an hour, maybe more. However much I tried not to, I kept replaying it in my head. Every move, every breath, every scream.

Eventually I managed to get my clothes back on, item by item. Then the door to the club opened and he came out, laughing and joking with his friends. I grabbed my shoes, my purse, my jacket, and ran for my life.

I ran for I don't know how long, only stopping once to be sick in an alley. I ran and ran and ran. I didn't know where I was going, I just wanted to get away, running down roads I didn't recognise, past shops I'd never been into. I must have subconsciously known my way though, because after a while I got to the only place I used to feel safe. Lucas's.

There was a light on, but I couldn't go in. His mom was really, really nice, but she'd just tell Lucas and I didn't want him to know. So I got my bearings and started running towards Peyton's.

I had to stop again to puke when I realised I didn't even find out the guy's name.


	4. May

**Ok, thanks again for the reviews – hope this chapter doesn't disappoint. I've rewritten it a couple of times and I'm still not completely satisfied, but thought I'd see what you lot think...**

Chapter 4

_June_

_I'm driving, but not really paying enough attention to the road. I find my 'chocolate and ice cream diet' CD and slip it into the player - it's a mixtape Peyton made me last year after I broke up with Michael Jenkins, my first semi-serious boyfriend. "It's perfect for when you just want to wallow in your sorrows," she said when she handed it to me. Remembering that makes me cry even more because I need her so much right now. But if I turned up at the gym now, everyone would suspect something, and whether they're spot on or way off, the rumours would be the whole way round school by Monday._

_Leann Rimes' _How Do I Live_ is just ending when I round the last corner for the River Court. I figure everyone will be out at the game, since it's only high school kids that really come here, so I can shout my head off and cry my eyes out without anyone knowing. I'm wrong. There's a lone figure sitting on the wood table by the court, and judging by the baby car seat and floppy brown hair, it's Jake. Even though he's the one and only guy I can be around without flinching, I really can't talk to anyone. I'm about to turn around and go straight back home when he turns around and sees me._

"_Brooke!" he calls and runs towards me. I stop the car and pull the keys out of the ignition, then hesitantly get out. "Could you-" he notices my make up has run, my cheeks are tear stained. "What's wrong Brooke? What's the matter?"_

_I don't say anything. I can't. Jake puts his arm around my shoulder and leads me to the bench, sits me down. "There. Do you want to talk about it? Is it something I can help with?" I shake my head. He pauses, but continues. "Do you want to hold Jenny? She's got a bit of a cold, that's why I'm not playing tonight, but she always makes me feel better."_

_I look at Jenny, Jake's baby daughter. She smiles and reaches out her hand. She's just a baby. A baby like I–_

_And then I realise why some other force, I don't know what, has brought Jake here. I need to tell someone, and he's the only one who's going to understand._

"_Jake," he looks up at me from Jenny and I wipe a tear from my cheek. I take a deep breath in and close my eyes. "I… I'm pregnant."_

May

Peyton's been amazing this past month - I can't believe I almost lost her as a friend. Now I don't know what I'd do without her.

After I left Lucas', I went straight to her house. She got me in from the cold, let me have a shower, let me borrow a pair of sweats and a shirt. When I changed I found blood. Not normal, but thick, and sticky. That scared me even more.

Peyton didn't ask me anything until I told her. It took me about five minutes just to say the three words I wanted to, because my body was still shaking, and I kept feeling dizzy and nauseous. When I did tell her, she was really supportive and promised not to tell anyone. All she did was try and persuade me to go to the police, but since I didn't know the guy's name, and all I knew about his car was the leather interior, I told her it was a pointless waste of energy and I just wanted to forget about it.

I mean, it's not like anyone would believe me anyway. Peyton did, because she actually knows me, but everyone else just thinks I'm a class-A slut. If I said that I was… that I was, you know… then they'd just think I was looking for attention, and then the taunting and the jeering would start, and I couldn't cope with that.

I'm not going to try and pretend that it didn't happen, because it did. It was the worst thing that's ever been done to me, but I can't just forget about it and move on, because then I'd be liable for it to happen again. I'm going to try and use it to learn from my mistakes. I'm going to try.

I did go to an STI clinic, just in case it's even more serious, but I'm fine. Well, I haven't caught anything. I'm not fine in any definition of the word. Even though Peyton's been the best friend a girl could have, I still feel like crap. I hardly sleep, and even if I do it's only for an hour or so each night. I've completely lost my appetite; even though I know I'm hungry I just can't bring myself to eat.

I missed the formal because the last time I got dressed up and went out was when it happened. Peyton said it was really boring anyway, all frat boys and wannabes, like these new kids at school, Felix and Anna something. I can't stand either of them. I've only met them once or twice, but that's enough. Anna thinks she's so perfect, that every guy wants her and every girl wants to be her. Yeah, right. I have that role. Or, at least I used to, back when I was cheer captain. Since I missed every practice for a month, that's Teresa now. God, she can't even dance.

And I hate the way Anna's brother, Felix, I hate the way he looks at you. He thinks everyone wants him too. Think he's going to get lucky with everyone. Oh, just thinking about him makes me shiver.

Anyway, where was I? Oh, the formal. So Haley and Nathan won Prom King and Queen, which apparently was really cute, but then Haley took off with some wannabe rock star to go 'on tour'. Whatever he says, he just wants to get into her pants, like every guy. Nathan's really upset. Won't play basketball, doesn't sleep, doesn't go to school much. So that makes two of us.

I'm being sick at least once everyday. I feel ill all the time, when I wake up, all through the day, up to when I go to bed. I just feel drowsy all the time, weary. I look like hell, too. My hair gets greasy after like an hour of washing it, I keep having major acne breakouts, and I'm starting to gain weight, even though I'm eating next to nothing. At least my periods have stopped, so I don't have to worry about sorting those out. I guess it must be the stress, huh?


	5. June

**OMG!!!!!! I just saw the S3 finale (it went out on Sunday night over here) and aaaaaaaaah! I absolutely cannot wait until S4 to find out what happens! I don't even know if it's going to be shown over here because they keep putting it on at even stupider times in the week, and the suspense is killing me – after two days! Has the fourth season started over there yet? But please don't tell me what happens – I'm trying very hard to resist the temptation to cheat.**

**Anyway, here's the update – hope you like!**

Chapter 5

_June_

"_You're pregnant?" Jake repeats. I burst into tears again and nod my head. "Oh boy." He sits down on the bench and I do too, trying to find a tissue or something in my purse. I catch my reflection in the mirror and wince. I look a mess. But I guess that's not my biggest problem right now._

"_Is it Lucas'?" Jake passes me a tissue from Jenny's changing bag._

"_Um, no." I manage to choke out._

_Jake doesn't ask who the father is, which I'm grateful for. I don't know whether Peyton told him about what happened, but I don't think she would have, as much as she trusts him. It's turning into a bit of a Nathan and Haley with them, really._

"_I just didn't know what to do and Peyton's at the game, and I figured you have Jenny, and, oh, I just don't… What am I supposed to do, Jake?"_

"_Ok." Jake looks at me intently. "First, tell your parents."_

"_Oh, no. I can't tell them, they'd totally flip out." I shake my head._

"_Yeah, that's what we thought when we found out Nicki was pregnant. But when we ended up telling them, she was about five months gone and they were even more annoyed that we hadn't told them sooner." Jake explains. "I know you don't want to, but it's the best thing to do, for you and the baby."_

_I'm not quite sure how I ended up driving in the Beetle to my house, with Jake in the passenger seat and Jenny in the back, but I do. When we get there, I stop the car and undo my seatbelt. Jake climbs out, leans back in and gets Jenny. I do nothing._

"_Brooke?" he leans down to look through the window._

"_I can't do this, Jake." _

"_Yes, you can." He comes round to my side of the car and literally pulls me out._

_My parents are in the dining room eating, we can see them through the window. Tonight would have been the only night we'd all been in the house together for like a month. I look in my purse for my house keys but I didn't put them in, so I knock on the door. Mom answers it and ushers me inside. She looks warily at Jake but eventually lets him and Jenny in too. My dad calls out of the dining room, "Who is it?" before coming out into the hall. "Oh, Princess, we were wondering where you were," he smiles._

_I look to my side. "Jake." I say, pleading for him to do something._

"_Mr and Mrs Davis, Brooke has something to tell you." He looks straight back at me._

"_Um, Mom, Daddy," I look at each of them in turn. I still can't do it. I look at Jake, than at Jenny. I take a deep breath._

"_I'm, well, I'm pregnant."_

_There's this awful silence where no one says anything. My parents look at me, their eyes saying 'Really? No, you're joking.', but I think they can tell that I'm not. After a minute or so, my dad turns to Jake."_

"_Are you the fa-"_

"_Oh, no." Jake shakes his head. "I'm just a friend." _

_My mom still hasn't spoken; there's a tiny tear trickling down her cheek. She swallows and looks at Daddy._

"_Penny," is all she says._

"_Who's, who's Penny?" I ask._

_Mom turns to me._

"_Didn't you ever wonder where your middle name came from?"_

June (earlier that day)

"So, are you coming to the game tonight?" Peyton asked hopefully as we walked to sixth period.

I smiled weakly, "Peyt, I only just started coming to school full time again; I don't think I'm quite ready for cheerleading." I didn't mention the fact that, even though I was feeling a little better, I still wasn't 100 percent. And I was still upset by all the rumours that had been generated to explain my absence; some of them weren't nice at all.

"Ok, sorry." Peyton sighed melodramatically, but then continued. "I'll see you by my locker after school, ok?"

"You don't need to drive me home, you know."

"I know, but I want to," she hugged me. "See you later, B. Davis."

"See you later."

I was just about to go to my next class, English literature, when I was hit by a crippling pain in my stomach, followed by a wave of nausea, prompting me to run to the bathroom to throw up. Twice.

After I did, the feeling subsided a little, but not completely, so I just put the toilet seat down and sat on top.

Even though I had spent all day trying not to think about it, my mind wandered to the dream I had last night. It was like a replay of that night, scarily real, with each detail exactly the same. It was the same club, there was a guy, we danced to the same songs and kissed in the same place. But I never saw the guy's face. Then it got to the worst part, in his car, and I was screaming and crying, but then I looked up.

And it was Lucas.

It was Lucas there, where the dark haired guy had been.

I had no idea what the dream – or nightmare – had meant, but it freaked me out all the same. And as I thought about it, I felt bile rise in my throat, and I had to lift the toilet seat up as fast as I could.

I exploded into tears. I was sick of it, sick of still feeling like crap. _I should have got over it by now, or at least the puking up stage. I still haven't got my period, but even the worst PMS isn't this bad. I'm still eating nothing, but gaining weight. My breasts are tender and sore, and everywhere just aches. And I have no idea why, _I thought to myself. _Unless…_

A new and terrifying thought popped into my head. _Ok, when did my periods stop? _I raced back through my memory. I got it January, February, March, and then I never got April's and I never got May's. And April was when… when it happened.

_I can't believe this._

I know you don't get sick as soon as you get pregnant, but my being sick because of what happened and being sick because I'm going to have a baby could have easily run into each other. Oh God. And that would explain the weight gain, especially the fact that I had only actually noticed it on my stomach. _Shit! What the hell did I do to deserve this?_

I checked my watch. All the other kids would be in class by now, so if I left no one would notice. I hoped they wouldn't, anyway. Peyton would just have to wait. She'd understand.

I ran to Coach Durham's office, to tell him about not being able to make the game. He told me to 'take care of myself', whatever that means. I don't know if I can right now.

I carried on running to my car and drove, way over the speed limit, to the nearest drugstore, a couple of blocks away. Picking the first test I saw off the shelf, I paid for it and drove home, where I let myself in. Now I'm in my bedroom, waiting for the results.

God, if that test is positive, well, that's the biggest decision of all, isn't it?

And I'm shit scared...

**So that's the end of part one! Part two's going to follow the same format, but the 'flash-forwards' will be set in October. Will Brooke still be pregnant? Will Lucas have come back? Will Brooke's memories come back to haunt her? Read on to find out!**


	6. Part 2: Four days later

**Hey, it's me. I felt mean making you wait for the next chapter, so it's here already. Just as a note though, the chapters are getting longer and they're going to carry on doing so, so you'll have to bear with me while I type them up. The title is explained in this chapter, and there's a big discovery about the baby…**

Part 2

_October_

_It's a gorgeous day, the kind you only get three-odd days a year, if that. The sun is shining and it's warm, but not too warm, and not humid at all, even down by the river. A breeze is blowing, and I'm only wearing a short sleeved t-shirt, so as I climb out of my car I put a jacket on and nestle my hands in the pockets. At least I would if there wasn't a piece of folded-up paper in the left hand one. I pull it out to see what it is._

_It's Lucas' letter, the one he wrote before he left. Have I not worn this jacket since June? That was when I last looked at the letter, so I guess so. I read it through again._

_I notice a lot of links between us now. I mean, the fact that he messed up is the reason I'm in this situation in the first place. And I guess I chose the easy way too - the right way would have been to tell him as soon as I found out. He does have the right, after all. But he said himself that he went to Charleston for a new start, a new start that – I'm just guessing, of course – didn't involve a pregnant ex-girlfriend._

_I open the glove box and put the letter inside, then start walking down the riverfront. I feel the wind in my hair, the sun on my back, and take a deep breath in, knowing that, for the moment, everything is sorted out._

June

I was sat in the waiting room of the Tree Hill Community hospital four days after I told Jake and my parents 'the news'. Mom and Daddy were sitting next to me, saying nothing, but sometimes I would catch Daddy looking at me or feel Mom's hand on my knee. I was thinking about the dream, the one with Lucas – I'd had it again the night before, and the impact wasn't any less second time round. My head was such a mess that I didn't even hear when the nurse called my name, I just noticed my mom standing up and holding her hand out to me. I think both parents were a bit shocked when I asked them to stay outside, but they did without a fight.

The nurse said, "Hi Miss Davis, can I call you Brooke?" and smiled. I didn't respond. "I'm Marie Stone, and I'll be carrying out the ultrasound scan today. Would you like to get up onto the bed?

I stayed where I was.

"Look, I'm not even sure I'm going to have this baby, I'm probably going to have an abortion anyway, so can I just–"

"Brooke, when there's a 'not sure' or a 'probably' involved with an abortion it's best to think about it first. Having a look at the baby may help you decide."

She was right, I guess. I reluctantly sat on the bad and swung my legs up, then reluctantly pulled up my top. My belly's getting bigger by the day, and I hate it.

Marie explained the whole process before she did anything, then said, "Ok, so I'm just going to put the jelly on now, and we'll start," and then the image flickered up on the screen. A baby.

My baby.

Marie pointed out everything: the head and the face, the body, the arms and the legs. It's truly amazing that this little thing is growing inside me, yet at the same time it's very, very scary.

"Ok, Brooke, do you know how far along you are?" Marie asked.

I shook my head, because everything is so messed up I couldn't work out dates.

"Is this your first scan?"

"Yeah, I only found out a few days ago." I replied, confused. "Why?"

"Well, judging by the extent to which the baby has developed, I'd say it was about twenty… yes, twenty-one weeks old, but it's very small. I suppose if you only just found out about the pregnancy you could have been leading an unhealthy lifestyle for the baby…" she said, I think more to herself than me. She made a few notes. "But it means we can tell what the sex of the baby is going to be. Would you like to know?"

I'd thought about this long and hard before the scan, and I still couldn't decide whether I wanted to find out or not. I mean, if I knew I was having one or the other, would it change how I felt about getting rid of it? Would it somehow make it into a real human being?

I shook my head.

"Well, I've got it on file here, so if you change your mind…" Marie started to wipe the jelly stuff off my stomach, then did a few more tests. When she'd finished, she said, "Here are the things you need, leaflets and things, I'm referring you to a dietician who can sort your eating out if you are keeping the baby, and because you're underage, I'll have to refer you to a social worker. I'll just fetch the number now. Do you want to wait outside or stay in here for a bit?" she raised her eyebrows.

"Can I just stay here for a second?" I asked as I pulled down my top.

"Sure." Marie left the room but closed the door behind her so I'd have some privacy. I skimmed through some of the leaflets. _Which choice is right for you? _one of them read. I still have no idea how I'm going to make the decision; it's one of the hardest I'll ever have to make. The ultimate: my life or my baby's?

As I opened the door and stepped out into the living room, my parents started towards me, but before we reached each other, Peyton came in, looked round and saw me. She ran over and gave me a huge, chest crushing hug, while talking a mile a minute and if there's anything she can do, she'll do it.

Jake walked in behind her, carrying Jenny. He came to stand beside me and Peyton. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to tell her, but she cares so much about you and she reads me like a book." he smiled.

Peyton stepped back and laughed, while wiping a tear out of her eye.

"Is the baby ok?" Looking over Peyton's shoulder, I noticed that my parents had sat back down.

"Yes, the baby is fine, and – oh, I really don't want to call the baby 'it', but I don't want to know the sex just yet." I looked at Jake and Peyton.

"Well, before Jenny was born, Nicki and I called her Bean, because she looked so tiny on the scans." Jake suggested.

"Oh, that is so cute!" I laughed, "Baby Bean Jagielski." and tilted my head. "Baby Bean Davis?"

Jake smiled and nodded. "If you like."

I suddenly noticed that Peyton had disappeared, so I looked around the room and saw her talking to Marie, and then they came over to me and Jake. Marie nodded at him.

"Is this the father?"

Jake shook his head. "I'm really going to have to stop hanging around with you, aren't I, Brooke?" he joked.

"Oh. So, anyway, here's all the information you need, including the social worker's number, and here's a picture of the scan." Marie gave me a couple of pieces of paper. "But you really need to think about what you're going to do, because you'll only be able to have a termination within the next few weeks, unless we find a medical reason for one. All you need to do now is make a new appointment on the way out, and maybe I'll see you soon." Marie smiled, looked at her list, and called out the next patient.

A few minutes later Jake was changing Jenny, my parents were getting coffee, and Peyton and I were sitting on the horrible plastic chairs in the hospital reception. I was reading through my sheet of information that Marie gave me, and occasionally having a look at the picture of the baby – Bean, I suppose.

"You know, the only thing I regret is not finding out what the sex is." I sat back in my chair.

"Well," Peyton said knowingly. "It's just as well I asked, isn't it?" I turned to look at her.

"Oh Peyton, please tell me. If you do, I will owe you, like, more than I already do."

"Are you sure you want to know?"

I nodded my head eagerly.

"Well, ok, I'll tell you, but as long as.. well, as long as you don't name her Brooke Junior." She grinned.

_A girl, _I thought.

_I'm having a little me! I can teach her to shop, and to put on make up, and the art of seduction!_

I mean, that is if I'm going to keep her.

I looked at my due date again – it's in mid November – and thought about what Marie had said to me. _'I'd say twenty-one weeks gone…'_

"Twenty one weeks." I said aloud. "Peyton, how many months is twenty one weeks?" It hadn't clicked earlier but now it seemed a strange figure.

"About… four and a half months. Why?"

Four and a half months. I counted back four and a half months. April wasn't that long ago. Around February, that must have been the time I got pregnant. So–

Suddenly that dream made so much more sense.

"Oh my god." I looked at Peyton. "Oh my… it's Lucas' baby."


	7. July

**Heyloo! **

**Ok, I'm really sorry, this is going to be an extra confusing chapter, so I'll explain it now. It starts in October, then goes back to June, then forward to July. Hope that makes things a little bit clearer!**

**Just some notes: **dolcegrazia**, sorry about the mix up, I thought I worked it out right but obviously I didn't. But, as you said, artistic license! And **iftheyonlyknewthetruth**, she actually did tell Peyton. Sorry if that wasn't made clear!**

Chapter 7

_October_

_I know that I should have told Lucas when I found out it was his baby. I mean, it's a pretty big thing, becoming a father. But, and I'm being completely selfish here, I kind of like it without him. I mean, I have pretty much complete control over everything – how I'm going to have the baby, what I'm going to call her, where we're going to live. And what I think is right for her. _

_At least, that's what I tell myself. Really, I can't bring myself to pick up the phone and call him. _

_Plus, it took a long time to get over the shock of being a lot more pregnant that I though I was, and the fact that I've got a lot to be thankful for. Firstly that it's not… not _his _baby, and secondly that I didn't lose her because of what happened. Marie said that I was really, really lucky – or unlucky, depending on whichever way you want to look at it. Oh, and she also explained how I'd got my period for a couple of months while I was pregnant. It's not rare – I can't remember the exact figure, but a lot of women still have their period when they shouldn't – some all the way through their pregnancy. I'm glad that didn't happen to me. I could just be walking around one day and then 'whoosh!', go into labour without even knowing what was happening, that I was having a baby. And I probably wouldn't have known – my belly's still quite little, even at thirty-eight weeks, almost my full term._

_I've been kind of uncomfortable today – my back is really hurting and I'm even more tired than normal, so when I hear my phone buzz the 'message received' tone, I sit down to check it._

'Hi Brooke hun, have you any idea when you're coming back?'

_I tap out a reply and send to 'Penny cell'._

June

I was going to have an abortion. I'd thought it all through and realised that I could get on with my life and then have kids when I was older, so I'd actually be able to provide for them. It wasn't as if many people were there for me. And then I found out it was Lucas' baby, and I suddenly wasn't so sure about anything. It wasn't my rapist's kid, it was my ex's. But I still didn't want to have it.

So I was sitting in a waiting room once again, all on my own, until a woman, who must have been at least thirty, came and sat next to me. I kind of wanted to be alone, but I was secretly glad of the company.

"Hi, I'm Sara." She looked me up and down and said, "I was about your age when I had my first. How old are you, twenty?"

"Nineteen." I lied. "Your first what?"

"Abortion. What did you think I meant?" she laughed.

"What number is this?" I knew I shouldn't ask, but I couldn't help it.

She paused for a moment, deciding whether to answer or not.

"My fourth. Stupid men don't know how to use a stupid condom. And I wouldn't mind having the kids, but my husband and I don't have sex, if you know what I mean." She raised her eyebrows.

I looked over once again at a woman in the corner who was crying her eyes out and clinging to a guy next to her. Sara had been talking to her earlier, I guess trying to comfort her. She noticed me looking.

"Her name is Lucy Hamilton," she explained. "A couple of years ago, she was in a car crash when she was eleven weeks gone, and there were complications. The doctors told her that if she ever got pregnant again it could kill both her and the baby when she gave birth. So she has no choice but to get rid of it." Sara said it so matter-of-factly that it sounded almost harsh. I thought it all over.

I looked at Sara. She was having affairs and then having abortions to cover them up, and she didn't care.

I looked over at Lucy. She so desperately wanted kids and she couldn't have them.

And there I was, getting rid of a baby because it would mess up _my _life.

I picked up my purse and walked out.

July

So I bet you're wondering who Penny is. Let me tell you, by this time, I sure as hell was too. My parents were making this big deal about going to see her, but they wouldn't tell me a thing about her, just that we should talk.

It was a really hot day out; it must have been at least 95 degrees, which my parents were using as an excuse to walk down to Penny's house. But as we got closer, I realised why we hadn't driven; most of the families here didn't even have a car, and if they did it was a beat-up old crapheap, so pulling up in our Mercedes was going to seem pretty – well, up ourselves, really.

My mom was watching the numbers on the houses, and as we got nearer to No. 3142, she started looking over at me more and more, telling me to pull my skirt down so it covered more of my legs or pull my shirt up, so it showed less of my cleavage. I didn't want to – I've got a great one now. Finally she saw the right house and turned into the yard, myself and Daddy following, then she rang the doorbell.

A woman answered. She was quite small, like me, and also like me she had really dark brown eyes, but that's where the similarities ended. She had bleached blonde hair, but dark at the roots, and she wasn't exactly beautiful, although she did have a pretty smile.

"Hi," she stepped forward. "I'm Penny Cottrell."

"Penny, it's so good to see you again." My dad started to talk just as my mom was going to. "You remember my wife Victoria, and I believe you met Brooke, a long time ago."

"Yes, I believe I did." Penny shook each of our hands as we passed over the threshold. "Would you like some coffee?"

A few minutes later I was sitting on the couch in Penny's lounge holding a glass of water, with my parents either side of me sipping from their mugs of instant, in a very awkward silence. Finally, Penny came through from the kitchen and sat down, then looked at me.

"So, I assume you know why you're here, Brooke."

I shook my head. "No. I mean, I know you want to talk to me, but-"

Penny looked at my parents as if to say, 'I thought you were going to tell her!', then sighed.

"You see, Brooke, when I was a couple of years older than you, I got pregnant. And like you, I found out quite late, and it was actually too late for a termination, but I knew – I thought I didn't want to keep the baby." she explained. "I got pregnant around the same time as Karen Roe, you know her? I think her son's in your class." I decided not to mention that it was by the same son that I was pregnant now. "Anyway, Karen knew from the very start that she was going to look after baby, and I wished that I was confident enough to do it, but I wasn't.

"So I knew this couple from the café where I worked; they'd often come in when I was on my shift and we'd have a little chat about life. They were really, really kind and desperately wanted children, but they were unable to get pregnant. And there I was, nineteen, without a clue, but with a baby." Penny stopped talking, leaving me to piece together what she was saying.

"So you had it – the baby adopted? But why are you telling me this?"

"Well–"

"Oh!"

I didn't mean to interrupt Penny, but suddenly, out of the blue, my baby Bean kicked, as if to remind me that she was still there, and listening to every word we said. And it was in that split second that I decided. I decided everything.

"I'm keeping her." I sat up.

"What?" Daddy put down his coffee cup.

"I'm keeping the baby, and I don't care what you say. If you kick me out and cut me off, then I'll find a place to stay and a job. I can't give her away. I'm going to raise this child." I said resolutely, a little surprised myself at my outburst.

"Brooke, don't you want to think about it a bit more first?" Daddy said.

My mom was about to protest too when Penny held up her cup. "More coffee, Mr and Mrs D? Brooke, could you help?"

I willingly got up and headed for the kitchen, before Mom and Daddy could really lay in. They followed me with my eyes as I left the room, my dad watching me, my mom watching my stomach.

As she set up the kettle, Penny sighed and started talking. "Brooke, giving up my baby was the worst decision I ever made, even when I think about what a great life she has now. So, if you're serious about keeping yours, then you can came and stay here if you want." She looked over at me. "Think about it, yeah?"

I nodded and got the milk out of the fridge, started to pour into my mom's coffee, and asked a question which had been bugging me for a while now.

"Penny?"

"Yeah?"

"You know you said you got pregnant around the same time as Karen? Well, is your daughter in my class too? What did the couple name her?"

I was looking forward to her telling me. It could have been Bevin, or Haley, or even Peyton. But then Penny dropped yet another bombshell.

"I was going to tell you." she swallowed. "They named her Brooke Penelope Davis."

**And just so I don't get accused of stealing storylines, I had the idea for this before all the Peyton/Elly drama. Hope you liked the chapter anyway – review pwetty pwease!**


	8. August

**Ok, here's the update! Again, thanks for all the reviews – I'm getting loads and it's great. Keep them coming! And, since I don't think I'll manage to get another chapter up before Christmas, have a great one and see you soon!**

_Chapter 8_

_October_

_Penny sends me another text – _'well, when you get here, I've bought you and my granddaughter a little surprise! Px'. _I smile and contemplate what to send back._

_Once I decide, I set off walking down the riverfront again, rubbing my back to ease the pain. There's a boat coming down towards me, maybe some sort of cruise ship. Then I remember that Peyton said Bevin was having her 18th birthday on board a boat, and from the pumping R'n'B I can hear now, it's probably that. As it passes, Tim Smith – oh god, that kid is so annoying – spots me and shouts, "Look, it's Brooke Davis, the slutty one who used to be in our class. Didn't she get pregnant? Or just fat?" _

_He laughs and looks at Nathan for approval, but Nate just says, "Sorry Brooke, he's just cranky because his mom walked in on him making nice last night," and waves at me. Nathan's been really sweet too, ever since Haley came back. Which reminds me, Peyton should be on that boat as well. I scan the top deck and the windows on the bottom, but don't see her._

"_Looking for someone?"_

_I turn and see my best friend, blonde curls cascading around her pretty face._

"_Come on, let's walk."_

August

I moved in with Penny around a month ago. Ever since Bean kicked, I've known for pretty much sure that I'm keeping her, which my parents – Mom and Daddy, that is – are not very happy about. They say I should wait until she's born and then decide, but I don't see what's wrong about knowing now. Like Penny said, Karen knew she was going to keep Lucas, and that never did either of them any harm. Apart from Lucas turning out to be a cheating ass. At least he's not as bad as Nathan used to be or their dad still is - well, was. I forgot that. There was a fire at his dealership back in June, and he was caught in it. Lucas found him and he was rushed to hospital, but it was too late. Not that anyone can honestly say they miss him. He was always there, controlling everything, in the background, not always there in presence but always in spirit. I mean, I had hardly anything to do with him, and it still felt like that.

Anyway, Penny.

So on my second day after moving in, she woke me up really early – it must have been like nine thirty – and told me to get dressed because we were shopping. Great, I thought. But no. It wasn't proper shopping, but shopping, but shopping for food, household things – "essentials shopping", as Penny calls it.

I had never been so scared of a Wal-Mart before. Well, to tell you the truth, I'd never stepped foot in a Wal-Mart before, but that's not the point. The point is that next Penny handed me a list of all the stuff we needed, with BABY STUFF in huge letters at the bottom, said, "Ok honey, I'll be back in half an hour and we'll see how you're doing," and left.

I gave up after five minutes.

The first item on the list was _milk_. I looked for the signs for milk, but when I eventually found them, I had no idea which one to get. Full fat or skimmed? One litre or one gallon? I'd never done this before. And that's when it hit me. I was going to need every little bit of help I could get; with school, with Bean, and most definitely with this shopping.

So Penny came back twenty five minutes later to find me sitting by the entrance, pouting and doing my 'this look gets me everything and I know it' eyes. And it totally worked. Penny took me round with her, showing me exactly what to get. I knew I was never going to remember everything, but I actually tried. I am completely determined to give this baby the best life possible, and if that means memorising which type of dehydrated, constituted, compressed fruit bar to get, then I'll do it.

We shopped until the only thing left on the list was BABY STUFF. Penny looked at it.

"Oh, I suppose we could do that another day. Now, it's time for lunch."

So that's how I ended up trying to manage a pan full of boiling water and pasta, a sieve and a colander in Penny's kitchen. Pretty far from the sophisticated deli meal I'd had in mind, huh?

It actually turned out alright, though. I didn't completely wreck the pasta, and we used this homemade sauce of Penny's that was completely delicious. She has a vegetable patch at the back of the house. I think that's the thing I admire most about her – even when she doesn't have a lot, she works out how to make the most of it, all the time. Like, even though she works as a waitress downtown, she's this amazing artist, and her friend works in a craft shop, so he gets her bits of this and that, which she uses and then sells. I mean, I admire her more than I ever admired Mom. Or 'the other mom', as we now call her, after Penny's friend Julia kept referring to her husband's mistress as 'the other woman'. That's the other thing I like about Penny; she's so much more like a friend than a parent. We laugh at the same little jokes, can talk about anything. I think Peyton feels a little left out, actually.

Just as I was finishing my pasta, Penny pulled out her wallet.

"So, Brooke, because you did so well with lunch and tried so hard earlier, I think it's time for a treat." She pulled out a wad of notes. "Your mom and dad gave me some money for your maternity clothes. And–" she handed me her credit card and nodded in the direction of my stomach, "–get that little Bean of yours some too."

I looked at the card. "Penny, I–"

"No, I just sold a painting for an extortionate amount of money. I insist. Now, Peyton's meeting you at Mimi Maternity on Washington Street in fifteen minutes. Go!" she practically pushed me out of the door.

To be honest, I was relieved to be finally getting some proper pregnancy gear. For the past couple of weeks, all I could fit into were my 'fat clothes', a small selection in a size up for when I've eaten too much over the holidays. So the promise of getting something that actually fitted was really exciting.

I'd never noticed Mimi Maternity before, but it was a great little place. Peyton and I spent almost an hour browsing, and then I went to try things on. While I was changing into my first skirt, Peyton, who was sitting outside the dressing room, spoke.

"Brooke?"

I poked my head around the door. "Uh-huh?"

"Isn't Lucas going to come and see you at some point?" she looked up from her magazine.

"Why should he?" I closed the door and pulled up the skirt, admiring it in the mirror. It was far longer than anything I'd normally wear, but somehow it just felt right.

"Um, maybe because you're six months pregnant with his baby?" Peyton called over the door.

"Peyton, I... I haven't exactly told him yet." I bit my lip and waited for her response.

"You haven't told him? Why the hell not?"

"Because I don't want to !" I stuck out my chin defiantly, even though she couldn't see.

"Because you don't want to?" her repeating everything I said was starting to get a little annoying. "Brooke, do you have any idea how selfish that is? Don't you think Lucas ought to know that he is going to be a father? Or Karen? Haven't you considered just how many lives this is going to impact on?"

"Peyton," I stepped out from behind the door, "are you telling me what's best for my baby? Because I don't see you carrying her, so you're not her mother, and you're sure as hell not her daddy. This is my choice, and I don't need petty little cheerleaders trying to make it for me, ok?"

I didn't mean for it to come out like that, but I was still pissed off at her for trying to tell me what to do, so I didn't take it back.

Peyton started to gather up her things.

"I've got to go and buy a new record for my collection. I'll see you later." She said, looking straight into my eyes, and walked away.

I figured she'd come back at some point, so I carried on trying on clothes. When she didn't return after twenty minutes, I went, with my parents' cash, to the checkout. I bought all sorts of things, actually – a bathing suit, jeans, skirts, loose shirts, and a wrap cardigan that will come in really handy for hiding my bump when we go back to school in September.

After I'd finished, I tried to ring Peyton to see if she wanted to call a truce and look at baby stuff together, but it put me straight to voicemail. _Fine, _I thought, _let her have a temper tantrum, and I'll go and look at gorgeous little romper suits and woolly booties by myself, thank you very much._

Penny had told me to go to Osh Kosh B'Gosh a block away for baby clothes, so I headed there. I'd spent about twenty minutes browsing the baby section and picking things up, when I saw the most gorgeous t-shirt. It was baby blue and yellow, and it read, _If you think I'm pretty, you should see my mommy. _There was even an all-in-one and skirt to match it. I was just reaching out to unhook it when Bean kicked. And then again, and again. She was obviously trying to tell me that she loved it or that she hated it, and since I thought it was the sweetest thing since white chocolate dipped in honey, I chose the former.

As I paid for it, and quite a bit more, I rubbed my belly and she kicked yet again. I'm telling you, if this girl turns tomboy, she's going to be one hell of a football player.

And even though Penny said I could spend as much as I wanted, I only ended up going through about $100. Ok, maybe 150.

So you know I'm lying.

400 dollars.

But this Bean is going to be the best dressed baby this side of New Brunswick, and won't all the others know it.

And for the first time throughout this whole thing, I'm starting to think it just could be fun.


	9. September

**Ok, I'm sorry it's been a while since I updated; we had Christmas and relatives, and I've just been up to Newcastle to see my aunt and cousin for a few days. But here's the chapter, and I hope you all had a great holiday.**

Chapter 9

_October_

_Peyton and I are walking along the riverfront in silence. I can tell that she is dying to tell me something, but I'm not sure what. Luckily, just as I'm about to burst with frustration, she clears her throat and speaks._

"_Nicki came back last night."_

_I do a double take when I register what she's said._

"_What, like Jake's evil psycho stalker bitch ex Nicki?"_

_Peyton nods and continues. "Yeah, and she wants custody of Jenny, so it's all going to get messed up again. And last time she did this, Jake was just too preoccupied with all of it that he even forgot my birthday. And you know how un-Jake that is, right?"_

_I nod and Peyton waits a few moments before saying anything else._

"_You know what I want? I want to be able to have someone who I feel like I can trust, someone who is always there, no matter what. Like, I'd wake up in the morning and be perfectly happy just to lie in his arms all day and not get up. I want someone who respects me for who I am, someone who I just don't feel complete without." she sighs and frowns. I place my hand on her arm._

"_Peyton, you want someone you feel you can trust, someone you don't feel complete without? Let me tell you, I've been thee, done that, and got the t-shirt, which, by the way, has a convenient space for a baby bump." now it's my turn to sigh. "Trust me, it's completely overrated."_

_I know it's not true, I know that love is the most amazing thing on this planet, but I'm trying to make her feel better. I don't think it works._

_A few moments later, I take a sharp breath in as I feel a sharp pain in my lower back, which then fades. Peyton asks me if I'm ok, and I assure her I am, while secretly trying to assure myself. __We carry on walking for about five minutes, until the thought that's been flying around in my head finally fits into a cohesive sentence, and it's my turn to moan._

"_You know what bothers me?" Peyton turns to look at me. "Take you and Haley. Haley is an amazing musician, and you are a totally kick-ass artist." I cradle my 'Bean bump'. "And all I'm good at is getting knocked up."_

_Peyton links her arm through mine and smiles._

"_B. Davis, you are an amazing, totally kick-ass friend."_

_I try to smile back, but then another contraction comes._

September

I was dreaming that I was lying in bed, and someone was stroking my hair. Twisting it around their finger and then letting it go. I turned around to see who it was, and gasped when I saw Lucas. Again. His hand moved to my bump and he said, "Why didn't you tell me?" Just that. And then I woke up.

I shook the thought from my head and headed downstairs to greet Penny. It was the first day of school, but instead of just grabbing a coffee and a toasted bagel on my way there like I used to, I actually sat down and eat a proper breakfast. Admittedly, it was only a glass of orange juice and – well, a toasted bagel, but I liked it. It gave me a chance to prepare myself for the day ahead, to work out what I was going to wear to best hide my Bean bump, and to ask Penny a really important question that I hadn't plucked up the courage to find out the answer to yet.

"Penny?" I took a bite from my bagel, and she looked up from her magazine, then tilted her head as if to say, 'yes?'

"I was wondering about my biological father. Like, what was his name? What happened to him?"

Penny sighed and put down her coffee. "I was wondering when you'd ask. His name was Kieran, Kieran Nicholson. We dated for almost two years, and he was perfect. He had dark brown hair and dark eyes, just like you, and he was exceptionally handsome." she paused. "But then, when I was about four months pregnant, he was involved in a car accident, and he needed surgery, but there were complications. I never even got to tell him about you." She looked back at me, a small tear forming in the corner of her eye.

I had no idea what to say. I was expecting something simple, like he was a one night stand or he didn't want to know about me. But he died. It kind of felt like I'd just found a parent but lost another, even if he never even knew I existed. And it kind of sucked.

We finished our breakfast in silence and I smiled at Penny before going upstairs to decide what to wear. I settled on jeans and a loose blouse, which hid my bump, but didn't make it obvious that I was trying to cover one. I then checked everything – whether I had the right books for school, whether I looked alright. When I was finally convinced, I grabbed my bag and headed down to the front door.

I was kind of surprised to see Nathan there.

"Hi," he smiled. "I know you weren't expecting me to just turn up on your doorstep, but I have a couple of things I have to tell you. Do you want to walk and talk?" I nodded and closed the door behind me, before setting off in the direction of school.

"First of all, I know about the baby." I turned my head sharply, worried that he might not be the only one who knew. I'd asked Haley not to tell a soul, and she'd promised on her life not to. Nathan continued, "And Haley says not to be mad at her, because she knew I wouldn't tell anyone. Which I won't, I promise."

I nodded warily, even though I know I can trust Nathan.

"Which leads me to my next point. You know my dad died?"

"Yeah?" I replied.

"Well, he left me some money. Well, quite a lot of money, actually. And with Haley's music career all starting up now, and my job, we really don't need it. But you might." It took a while for me to realise what he was saying.

"No Nathan, I can't accept any money from you. It's yours, not mine."

"But Brooke, you'll need it a hell of a lot more than I will. You're gonna be juggling a baby and school, so you're gonna need a nanny, and–"

"Oh god, school. I hadn't even thought that far ahead." I admitted.

"Please, take the money. I'll feel bad if you don't. It'll be like an early congratulations present." He carried on. I thought about it. Nathan was giving me the money, and I was most probably going to need it, so it would be erring on downright stupid not to accept.

"Ok." I smiled at Nathan and we continued walking to school.

Everyone who knew, which at this stage was only actually Peyton, Jake, Haley and Nathan, were so nice to me. They opened doors, carried bags, did anything they could to help, although I had to be careful not to be too needy because people might suspect. I mean, I wasn't naïve enough to believe they weren't already. My tummy had grown significantly over the summer, even though it was nowhere as big as some women at seven months. But high school kids are smart and mean. The whispers, the looks. But I really wasn't expecting what happened next.

We were nearing the end of our geography lesson when a wad of paper was shoved under the bottom of the door, face down. Ms Paxton, our teacher, bent down and picked it up. She flicked through it, her face expressionless, and then she said, "Brooke, can you see me at the end of the lesson, please?"

That was when I started dreading what was written on the paper. The seven and a half minutes left of geography seemed like hours, and it felt like everyone in the room was looking at me. I'd only just about made up with Peyton after the dressing room argument, and I wasn't all that sure I could rely on her. But then, finally, the bell sounded, and the horrible truth was revealed.

I lingered at Ms Paxton's desk, waiting for her to talk to me, while at the same time, looking out into the hall to see what was going on. There was paper everywhere; if the news was big it'd be the entire way round school in five minutes. And then I saw Peyton pick one up, her mouth drop and her eyes widen. She returned to the classroom looking plain scared, and handed me the paper.

It was a picture of my baby.

No doubt about it, from my first or second scan. My tiny little Bean. And scrawled below it in huge letters were the words – _THIS IS BROOKE DAVIS' BABY._

I ran.

I ran, sobbing, as fast as I could with my bag and, though smallish, awkward baby bump. Everyone in the corridors was looking, laughing, pointing at me, probably wondering, _How the hell did Brooke Davis get pregnant? Isn't she rich enough to buy contraception?_

I ran right out of the school gates and down the road. My phone rang, the caller ID reading 'Peyton cell', but I let it go to voicemail. I just needed to get out of there.

You know when there's a really emotional bit in a TV show or film, and they play a really loud, tragic song? That's what it felt like. Like my whole world was falling down around my ears, again.

I ended up in Penny's end of town, and started crying even harder when I remembered the last time I was running down these streets. Running just as fast as I could to get away. In the past few months it had been pushed to the back of my mind due to all the drama, but now every detail was returning to me.

Except this time, I ended up at Karen's café. I paused outside, trying to decide whether to go in. What if Karen had heard the rumours and asked if it was Lucas' baby? What would I do then? I couldn't lie to her face.

But then I realised what I needed was coffee. A cappuccino, with extra froth and marshmallows, chocolate sprinkling on top…

I was inside before I could think about what I was doing.

When I entered, Karen looked a little startled at first, but then she smiled and said, "Brooke, long time no see. Would you like a coffee?"

I nodded hungrily, wiping back the tears, and described exactly what I wanted. When Karen brought it over, she set it down on the table and sat on the chair beside mine.

"I know it's really none of my business, but shouldn't you be in school?" she asked. I didn't want to answer, but Karen is one of those people who implores you to.

"Yeah, I… well, there were some rumours, and I just had to get out of there." I looked away and took a sip of my coffee. There was a pause before she replied.

"The pregnancy rumours? Are they true?"

I looked back at her, shocked that she knew about them. But if she suspected there was truth there and that Lucas was the father, then she didn't say anything. She probably didn't think it was his anyway, because of timings; I didn't look any more than four or five months gone, at most, and we split up almost seven months ago.

In response to her question, I swallowed and nodded, not looking at her, but then I made eye contact and asked, "How did you know?"

"Oh, news travels fast in this town. Plus I saw that boy Tim, Nathan's friend, I saw him walking to school this morning. He dropped a sheet of paper on the floor, so I picked it up, and it had a picture of an ultrasound on it. Is that your baby?"

"Yeah," I laughed a little to myself. "My baby girl."

Karen put her arm up on the table.

"Brooke, you know that I wasn't much older than you when I got pregnant with Lucas, and there were rumours aplenty then. But what I found was that if you try and deny them they'll only whisper louder. Ignore them and they'll die down soon enough. You've got nothing to be ashamed of." she smiled at me and held my hand. Then I remembered what Penny had said that morning.

"Karen?" I tilted my head. "Did you know a guy, he must have been in the class above you, named Kieran Nicholson? He died in a car crash when he was nineteen."

"Oh yeah, I remember him. When I was a junior, he was in his last year, and every girl in the school wanted to date him. He had a steady girlfriend, though. Now what was her name?" she asked herself.

"Penny Cottrell." I offered.

"Yes. Yes, that was it." Karen frowned. "It was terrible when he died. Him and three others, it was. All athletes. The town was in turmoil for months." She paused. "Why did you want to know?"

I shook my head, not wanting her to find out just yet. "No reason. I just heard his name and wondered who he was."

Karen glanced at her watch and then at my stomach. "You know Brooke, if you need some money after the baby's born or even before, I always need help here at the café, if you're interested."

"So, I'd be like, waitressing or something?"

"Yeah, anything you could cope with." She checked her watch again. "Look, I've got to go, but you think about it." She stood up from the table. "Brooke," she said, and I looked up. "Everything's going to be alright."

But I started to cry all over again when I realised I didn't, even nearly, believe her.


	10. October

**Ok, here it is, chapter ten, and – I'm surprised none of you noticed – Brooke's in labour! Will we be hearing the patter of tiny Cheery feet? All will be revealed… And please review – I'm aiming to break the 100 mark with this one!**

Chapter 10

_October_

Peyton rushes to my side as I clutch my back. I know it's still early in the labour but it really, really hurts.

"Brooke, are you alright? Is it the baby?" she fusses.

"Yeah, I'm fine, I just need to rest for a while." I head for the nearest bench. But, just as I go to sit down, something happens. I've been told countless times how it'll feel and I don't even need to check. I just know.

My waters have broken.

"Peyt, I think you need to call an ambulance. I – I'm in labour." I say breathlessly, looking at her with pleading eyes, not quite believing it myself. Peyton takes a sharp breath and raises her eyebrows, but then she comes to her senses and dials 911.

This can't be happening. She's not supposed to come yet; I've still got two weeks to go. Is she ok? There must be something wrong. Oh god.

She's coming now. And I'm so scared.

October – 15 hours later

I woke up to see everyone sitting around my bed. And I mean everyone – Penny, Mom, Daddy, Peyton, Jake, Haley and Nathan were all there, smiling at me. When I came round, Peyton whispered, "Hey, B Davis. You just looked so peaceful, we didn't want to wake you."

"What happened? I don't remember anything after the ambulance came." I struggled to sit up but had to lie down again because I was too dizzy.

I couldn't work out the look on all their faces; whether it was good or bad news, I couldn't tell.

"The labour was taking a while and they found out the baby was the wrong way up, so they gave you a Caesarean section." Penny reached over and clasped my hands. The anaesthetic is still wearing off, so you'll still feel a little tired."

After I'd got over the fact that they'd just cut me up and pulled a baby out of me, I started to panic. Where was my Bean?

"Where is she? My baby? Is she alright?"

"The nurse said she'd bring her in–" Mom was cut off by the nurse, Marie, wheeling a tiny bed into the room. "– a minute or two."

"Hello again Brooke. So, do you want to see your gorgeous baby girl?" I nodded eagerly.

I smiled as Marie lifted a little bundle off the bed and handed it to me. I cradled her in my arms carefully and pushed back the blanket and there she was – my baby. She was so little, and I wasn't quite sure what to do with her.

She's so, so beautiful. She has a gorgeous little button nose, and a mop of dark brown hair, like mine, but it's curly, in tiny ringlets. And her eyes – Lucas' eyes. Blue-grey, like a stormy sea. They made me cry small silent tears, because I'm so ashamed that I haven't told him yet. But I'm not ready to right now.

"Whoa, Brooke," Jake pushed back her blanket further and stroked her hair, then laughed. "Are you sure she's not Peyton's baby?"

Peyton and I glanced at each other, then giggled. "Oh god, Brooke, he found out!" she smiled, and hit Jake playfully on the shoulder.

Bean started to make cute little gurgling sounds, and my mom asked if she could hold her. I nodded and passed her up, careful not to break her or anything; she looked so fragile.

Peyton saw an opportunity and pulled out a bag. "Ok, B Davis, presents!" she handed me it. "This is from me and Jake."

I undid the crepe paper wrapping the present ad held up an orange and black striped babygro. I was puzzled as to what it was, until Peyton pulled up the hood to reveal two little ears, and grinned.

"It's an outfit for Tigger junior," she explained, and everyone in the room either laughed or cringed at the cliché.

"And," Jake passed me a shoebox. "Peyton said she saw you eyeing these up last week."

I slowly lifted the lid to find a brand new pair of Jimmy Choo wedges. I wasn't sure before whether Peyton had noticed me picking them up like a hundred times, and saying just how gorgeous they were, but she'd obviously got the hint.

"Oh, thank you so much, you two!" I tried to reach to hug them, but I ended up just pulling on my stitches, so I resorted to a friendly smile. "They are absolutely perfect. Oh, and the babygro is alright, too." I joked.

By this time, Bean had gone all the way round to the bed to Haley, who passed her to me and held out a white envelope. I lay Bean down carefully on the bed and slip it open, then pulled out a cream card with an actual knitted pink bootie on the front. Opening it, I read aloud what it said.

"Dear Brooke and (insert name here), Well done! You're going to be a great mom. Lots of love, Haley and Nathan. PS–" I paused when I read the postscript. _There's a cheque taped to the inside of the envelope. _I opened the envelope to out the card back in and there it was, but it was obvious that Nathan didn't want me to tell, so I improvised. "PS, don't worry, it'll all be fine. Thanks."

I bent over and picked up Bean, cradled her in my arms again. I was amazed that she hadn't started crying yet, but she was just looking up at me with those big blue eyes and sucking her thumb. I still couldn't quite believe that she was my baby.

"So, about the name." Peyton sat down on the bed and stuck out her finger for Bean to hold. "What's my little girl going to be called?"

Ah, the name. I've had one picked out for almost five months, but I didn't want to start using it or tell anyone until I saw her, in case it didn't suit her. But they fit so well.

"Her name is Riley." I smiled. "Riley Marie Davis. And I'd like you four–" I looked at Haley, Nathan. Peyton and Jake, "–to be her godparents, if you want to be."

"Wow, Brooke, that means so much." Jake put his arm round Peyton's waist and Haley placed her hand on mine.

"Thank you, Brooke."

I looked up and smiled, then looked back down at Riley.

Riley Bean.

Baby Bean Davis.

My baby girl.

And I just take one look into those beautiful eyes, and I want to hold her in my arms forever.


	11. Part 3: Thirteen Days Later

**Yay! One hundred reviews! That's the most I've ever got for a story so I'm over the moon. So thanks to everyone who's reviewed, even if you only submitted one or two. **

**On the Lucas front, I know you all love him and Brooke, but for the moment I'm just concentrating on her and Riley. But who knows, in a couple of chapters…**

**By the way, the majority of this chapter takes place 13 days after Riley was born. Hope you enjoy!**

Chapter 11

_February_

_It's my birthday, and I'm at Peyton's house because Penny is setting up for "Brooke's birthday bash" at home, along with Karen. It's weird – I thought turning eighteen would mean I felt a lot older, more mature. But I guess I've had to mature a lot in the past few months._

_The culprit is lying face up on her blanket, gurgling and kicking as she plays with her baby gym. She seems perfectly content, so Peyton and I are sitting on her bed; I'm reading _Star _and she's reading the local newspaper, the Tree Hill Journal. Not my material of choice, but there you go._

_Just as I'm catching up on the latest juicy gossip about Brad and Angelina, I notice Peyton's face burrow into a frown and her eyes widen in horror. When she seems to have finished reading, she passes the paper to me and points at the story._

"_Read that, it's horrible." she bites her lip and half-reads over my shoulder._

"' Girl raped at age 12,'" _I read aloud and pause, wondering if Peyton did it on purpose._

"_Oh god. Oh god, Brooke, I'm so sorry, I completely forgot." she tries to take the newspaper away from me, but I pull it back and skim-read the article._

Tree Hill girl, aged 12 … lured her to his house … after raping her, he left the room and she escaped … managed to call 911 … found him in his bedroom … awaiting trial next month.

_And then there's a picture of the guy who did it, being led into jail._

_I gasp in shock._

_It's the same guy I met in the club._

October

I don't think I fully comprehended just how hard this single parent thing was going to be. I mean, sure, I'd thought about it; when I was lying awake at night or buying baby essentials, but I never realised it would be this difficult.

Riley was an angel at the hospital. They kept me in for just over a week, so there'd be time for me to heal over from the operation before I left. During that time they taught me how to feed her, how to change a diaper, all the things I need to know. And all through that I only saw her cry twice. Admittedly, I was asleep a lot of the time and the nurses came in and sorted her out, but still.

But as soon as I got her home, she started to cry day and night, and she needed feeds all the time. I started to seriously regret not giving her up, but then I caught her sucking her thumb while sleeping, and it was so beautiful that I stayed up all night just watching her, and I never wanted to stop.

Riley's almost two weeks old now, and one of the things that surprised me was how close I wanted to be to her. I said before she was born that I'd bottle-feed her, because breast is – well, kind of disgusting. But I tried it with a bottle once and it just felt impersonal somehow, like we were disconnected. Plus, this way I don't have to buy formula and I don't get any periods. Result! And I've hardly used the buggy. Penny got me this pouch kind of thing, which I strap around my back, and Riley sits on my front, snuggled up against my chest. I guess I'd got so used to her actually being inside me, being completely dependent on me, that I didn't want to let her go.

On the last day of October, there were leaves everywhere, golden and orange and warm russet red. It was beautiful. I had an idea for what to do on that day, but Penny had other plans. Just as I'd got all of mine and Riley's things ready and was about to leave the house, she said, "Aren't you going to wait for me?" and held up her half full cup of coffee. I looked at her, puzzled, because I genuinely had no idea what she was talking about. She smiled and shook her head.

"There's that mother and baby group at the church today. We were going to walk up there and then I was going to go to work?"

"Oh, um, actually I kind of had plans today." I stroked Riley's hair, because she was stirring, and I've found it a foolproof method of getting her back to sleep.

"Come on, Brooke, it'll be fun. You can talk to other new moms, and Riley can meet some other new babies… it'll only take a couple of hours, tops."

I figured that I might as well. I mean, what harm could it do?

Penny dropped me off outside the church and waved me goodbye, then walked round the corner to the restaurant where she waitresses. I took a deep breath in and pushed open the door, to see a room at the end of the corridor, its door ajar. I went to investigate.

There were nine or ten women sitting on chairs in a circle in the hall, all of them with a baby or two. They turned their heads to look at me as I walked in, and one, with her hair in a tight bun, pursed lips, like she was sucking on a lemon, and twins, spoke.

"Oh. You're late."

I smiled as apologetically as I could bring myself to, then cradled Riley in her pouch. "I was looking for the mother and baby group?"

A woman across the circle stood up and pulled up a chair for me. "You've found it, honey. I'm Kelly, and this is Imogen." She said, in a thick southern accent, and pointed to the sleeping bundle in a carrycot next to her. I smiled and sat down.

"Thanks. I'm Brooke, and this is my baby girl Riley Marie."

"Great," Kelly beamed. "So, tell us a little bit about you, Brooke."

I blanked, not expecting to be put under the spotlight so soon.

"Well, I – I'm seventeen years old," at this, 'lemon woman' coughed disapprovingly, "and I'm kind of a senior at Tree Hill High."

I wasn't sure what else to say, but Kelly's encouraging look made me go on. "Um, Riley was born on the 18th, by emergency caesarean section, and we live with my mom, on South View Avenue."

"And can you tell us about Riley's father, Brooke?" Kelly asked, but she said it in a way that sounded, 'You don't have to tell me if you don't want to.'

"I don't really… well, he lives in Charleston. We don't really talk." Well, not a complete lie. At the last comment, 'lemon woman' coughed even louder, making me and everyone else in the room feel very uncomfortable.

I managed to survive the session, no thanks to someone. I found out her name is Mary, and her twins are called Meredith and Frederick – I mean, come on! When the meeting ended and everyone else spilled out of the room, Kelly called me back.

"You know, Brooke," she said, "You seem like a nice girl, and you're bringing Riley up brilliantly. But if you ever want advice or help, or if you just want to talk, here I am." She handed me a scrap of paper with an address and a phone number on. "I'd love to help in any way I can." She smiled warmly and turned to pick up Imogen.

I walked out of the church, so elated that someone I hardly knew genuinely wanted to help me that I didn't look where I was going properly. I tripped over a stone, and, while I didn't fall, Riley's changing bag unhooked itself from my shoulder and emptied its contents onto the sidewalk.

I bit my lip and tried not to swear as I knelt down. I looked around for help, but if I made eye contact with anyone, they would turn away and swerve to avoid me. But, just as I was reaching out for Riley's baby wipes, another hand did too, just like in a movie. So I looked up, naturally hoping to find my dream man.

At first I thought it was Lucas. Same bone structure, same jeans and t-shirt combo. But this man of my dreams had hazel eyes and wavy, dark brown hair. I smiled gratefully and he bent down to help me pick up the rest of the stuff. When I'd finished placing it all carefully in the bag after checking nothing was broken, he ruffled Riley's hair and grinned.

"Little sisters. Such pains in the ass– sorry, neck, aren't they?" he shook his head and pulled my phone out of my pocket, then stored his number in it. He nodded arrogantly and strutted of, with me watching him. It's funny, because if I was the same person I was a year ago, I would have sent him a text almost straight away. But now, I just deleted his number – I have someone else to think about now – and headed off.

My biological dad is buried up the hill, in the same cemetery as Peyton's mom. I'd found this out from Penny, and even though she'd said not to go there, I wanted to visit. I think that, even if Penny didn't tell him about me, he still knows. And I certainly know about him, so I feel like we should create some sort of bond, no matter how small or fragile.

His grave is situated near the edge of the cemetery, in the shade of two immense oak trees. There's a beautiful angel statuette guarding it, and around the edge of the stone is engraved; _Loving son, loving brother, loving soulmate, Kieran James Nicholson, 1969 – 1987, in our hearts forever. _I had to swallow back tears just looking at it.

I sat down on the bench next to it and unclipped Riley, held her in my arms. I'd had so much to say before, but now I was actually there, it had all gone.

"Hey," I started quietly, "it's me, Brooke. So I guess I'm your daughter, but you probably knew that already. And this is Riley. She's… well, I suppose she's your granddaughter." I paused, trying to think of what to say next. "Did you ever think you'd be a granddad at… well, thirty six, you were the same age as Penny, weren't you?" I smiled, just remembering the way Penny's face lights up when she talks about him. "She loved you very, very much, you know. She still does. I moved in with her about… wow, it must have been about four months ago now, just after I found out I was pregnant. She had me adopted, see? And I lived up the hill, in this huge house with a red door. I even had a dolls' house that looked just like it…"

I talked to him for what must have been at least an hour. As time went on, it just got easier and easier; the words just tripped out of my mouth. I even ended up talking about Lucas, about how he hurt me so much, but now I was so scared that he'd never forgive me for not telling him about Riley. I realised afterwards that the only thing I hadn't talked to Kieran about was what happened outside the Blue Post. I don't know if I'll ever be ready to talk about that.

When I had well and truly run out of things to say, it was past lunchtime, so I headed home for a bite to eat. It's funny – all the time we had been near Kieran – Dad's? – grave, Riley had been sleeping really peacefully, her miniature chest rising, falling, rising again, her head rested against my heart. But the moment I stood up and made to leave, she stirred and started screaming at the top of her tiny lungs. The other visitors started to give me evil looks, so I got out of there sharpish, but it's like… I don't know, like she already has a connection with him somehow. And it feels good.

When I got home, Penny had left a note, two magazines and a CD on the table. The note read: _Hi pumpkin, someone left the magazines at the restaurant and I thought you might like them. Also, Peyton dropped off the CD for you a couple of minutes ago. My shift finishes at 3 so I should see you a little bit after that. Pxxx._

I picked up the magazines. There was a copy of _In Style _and a copy of _Baby & You._ I'm trying to save Nathan's money for rainy days, so I don't really have enough left to buy anything for myself, and I though I might as well look at them, so I put them aside to read later, then had a look at the CD.

It's labelled in Peyton's writing: _It's October again, leaves are coming down… _and on the inside of the case is written, _One more year's come and gone, and pretty much everything's changed, actually. _I laughed at the use of Haley's song lyrics. But the thing is, it's been almost exactly a year since the whole bus-stealing incident that got Lucas onto the team. Let me tell you something – it feels a lot longer.

I unhooked Riley, placed her in her cot, and clicked the CD out of its case. Under the plastic, Peyton's written something else. _Listen to it all the way through. I promise it'll get easier._

I slipped the CD into the player, puzzled now, and heard the first lines of Haley's _Let Me Fall. _Fair enough, given the title. The next song was _I Will Survive, _one of mine and Peyton's all time favourites. But then it came to the song that was playing when I'd first told Peyton I liked Lucas, _Work _by Jimmy Eat World. And then the song I'd been dreading all along. I haven't been able to listen to it for almost nine months.

I recognised it straight away.

_He drowns in his dreams,_

_An exquisite extreme unknown._

_He's as damned as he seems,_

_More heaven that a heart could hold…_

The song is called _Beautiful Disaster._ It was my song, mine and Lucas'. And listening to it just brought back all the memories; the good, and the worse than bad.

I wanted to listen to it all the way through, but I just couldn't. I pressed the 'stop' button and replaced the CD in its case. I wanted to listen.

But it's just too hard.


	12. November

**Ok, pretty much all I wanted to say this chapter is thank you for all the lovely reviews! A few of the ones I got for chapter eleven are some of the best ones I've ever had, so thanks! I hope you enjoy this one as much!**

Chapter 12

_February_

_I look at the picture more closely, hoping against hope that I've made some kind of mistake. But it's definitely him – the same almost black hair, the same smouldering hazel eyes._

_I haven't forgotten that night, and I don't want to, but with the whole Riley and Lucas situation, it had sort of been pushed to the back of my mind, because it was no longer dominating my life. But now, knowing that he'd done it again, and to a twelve year old girl? It makes me feel like I was helping him and not myself by not telling the police._

_Peyton shifts so she's facing me, and tilts my head up, away from the article, so she can make eye contact._

"_Brooke, are you ok?" she asks, taking the paper out of my hands. "Is it because of what happened?"_

_I look up at her, and suddenly I stand up, and I snap. "Peyton, do you know what it is? It's the same bloody guy! The same bloody guy who did it to me, and I let him go free to do it again!" I laugh ironically. "Fair enough, I was a soiled dove, and, let's face it, I was asking for it, but that girl is twelve! God!" I slump on the bed, my anger fading into an irrepressible sense that I could have done something more. I gulp back huge tears, fat drops falling onto my jeans. As if sensing the mood in the room, Riley starts up too._

_Peyton starts towards the blanket, but I put out a hand to stop her. I just need to be doing something, to try and keep my mind off what I just found out. I dig around in Riley's changing bag and get out a new diaper, wipes, cream. I know all her cries now, and this is definitely a 'change, please' wail._

_As I'm undoing Riley's all-in-one and romper suit, I'm distinctly aware that Peyton's watching me intently, just waiting for me to crack. But I'm not going to. I sniff resolutely and wipe a tear from my cheek._

_I pull up the bottom half of my baby's clothing, determined to take as long as I can, so I don't have to face Peyton. I'm about to undo Riley's diaper when I notice something, and pull her all-in-one further up, over her stomach._

_There's something very wrong. And I don't know what to do._

November

_Dear Lucas, _the letter read.

_I have something I really have to tell you. Trust me, it's not something I'm proud of keeping from you, and it's definitely not something best said in a letter._

_I'm not going to pretend that it won't affect your life in a huge way, but you're going to have to find out sooner or later._

_I can't even bring myself to write it. Call me. You know my number._

_Love, Brooke and Riley Scott-Davis._

I read the letter through. It was my ninth draft and something still wasn't right, though I couldn't, for the life of me, place it.

I coughed and slid the letter into my desk drawer as Penny knocked, and stuck her head round the door.

"You ready?"

"Almost." I lied.

"Well, you'd better hurry up. Haley and Nathan will be here in a minute." She smiled and closed the door.

I bit my lip and rifled around in my jewellery box for my most extravagant earrings. Ever since Riley was born, I hadn't been able to wear any, in fear that she'd start grabbing things and rip them out of my ears with her surprisingly strong little hands. So, now I was finally having a night out and Penny had offered to look after the little angel-slash-devil, depending on her mood, I was going completely over the top.

I hadn't wanted to go at first. I hadn't gone out in the evening since April, and it was just a club night at Tric. But Haley was playing a set and it was the first night Peyton had organised in a while, so I kind of felt like I should go.

Haley and Nathan picked me up around seven fifteen and we headed over to Tric so Haley could warm up before she played. But when Nathan and I walked in, it was just like the first day of school all over again. Everyone was looking, pointing, whispering. _Look, it's Brooke. I still can't believe she got pregnant. _It was all too much. Just all over again, and I wanted Lucas here so much, but he wasn't, just to hold me close and say it was alright. And everyone knew about Riley, and they were all judging me, judging me when they didn't know anything, and–

"I'm sorry, Nathan, I have to go." I smiled apologetically, cursing myself for not being able to ignore them, and was about to leave when Bevin bounded up, a huge smile plastered on her face.

"Brooke!" she gave me a huge hug, which caught me slightly off guard. "You look great, considering you had a baby like a month ago. How is little Rosie?"

"Um, Rosie?" I tilted my head, no idea what she was talking about.

"Duh, Brooke, your baby?" she rolled her eyes at Nathan.

I laughed and shook my head. "My baby's name is Riley, Bev."

"Riley, Rachel, Randy, whatever. No, what I wanted to tell you – wait for it – is that Lucas Scott is apparently coming back to town for Christmas!"

I managed to force out an 'oh', not quite believing her. Not quite believing that if he came back, and saw Riley, he would most probably click. And then...

"Come on Brooke, Lucas Scott? The hot one with the cute eyes and great ass? You dated for like a month; you must remember him."

"Ok, that's… well, that's great. I'll probably see him around." I tried to force a smile but nothing came.

"Cool. I'm just going to go and talk to that guy over there. How hot is he?!" she exclaimed, and practically ran off.

I smiled to myself as I realised just how different we'd become in just a few short months. Thing is, she's still the same old Bevin, it's me who's changed, and that's a little scary.

I was about to go and look for Peyton to say 'hi' when she appeared on stage.

"Hey everyone, how are you all tonight?" she said into the microphone, being greeted by applause and cheering. "Welcome to Tric. We have an amazing evening of live music for you tonight, and up first, here is Haley James-Scott!" The crowd cheered even louder as Haley emerged into the spotlight and settled herself behind the keyboard. She played a few notes, and then looked out into the audience.

"Thank you very much. Well, obviously, I'm Haley, and, um, this is _Yesterday._"

She launched into her first song, and worked her way through a few others before she spoke again.

"Ok, this next song is one that means a lot to me, and I thing it'll mean a lot to some of you too." She paused. "It goes out to Brooke, one of my best friends and an amazing person. This is _Daddy's Eyes._"

I listened in awe as she played the first chords and began to sing.

_When you're caught between a rock and a hard place,_

_When you're whole reputation is at stake._

_When finding your way can be like finding a teardrop in the ocean,_

_Just be strong and hold on._

_Just wish upon a star,_

_Or pray that someone can hear you,_

_Even if there's no one nearly near you,_

_Just be strong and hold on._

_When you feel like it's you against the world,_

_When you've got nowhere left to turn._

_Or when it's just not fair and it's only you, who knows,_

_Just be strong and hold on._

_Just wish upon a star,_

_Or pray that someone can hear you,_

_Even if there's no one nearly near you,_

_Just be strong and hold on._

_Because when I first saw your baby girl there,_

_With her Daddy's eyes and her Mommy's hair,_

_I could do nothing but stop and stare,_

_She's just so beautiful._

_So be proud that you were strong, and you held on._

_Just wish upon a star,_

_Or pray that someone can hear you,_

_Even if there's no one nearly near you,_

_Just be strong and hold on._

_For your baby girl with her Daddy's eyes._

I couldn't quite believe that Haley had actually taken the time and effort to write a song for me. And it was beautiful; she'd obviously put a lot of work into it. It was all quite overwhelming, and I didn't even realise I was tearing up until Nathan swung his arm around me and whispered, "Hey, don't cry."

I shook my head and smiled up at him, then looked towards Haley and mouthed, "Thank you."

"You're welcome," she mouthed back, and quietly introduced her next song.

When I got home, I was so tired that I almost forgot to check on Riley. I'd just got into bed when I remembered, and when I went over there, all her blankets were twisted and wrapped around her. I tried to sort them out as gently as possible, but she turned over a couple of times, slowly opened her eyes, and then guess what? She smiled!

Like a proper, full on smile. Her whole face kind of lit up, and she's inherited my dimples! She'll probably hate them as much as I do when she grows up, but right now they make her look like an angel.

And her eyes when she smiles? They sparkle, just like her Daddy's.


	13. December

**First, I just wanted to clarify that yes, February is after December.**

**And second, I wanted to apologise for taking so long with this update – I had a portfolio to frantically pull together for my application to Summer School, so every spare moment I've had recently has been taken up with that. But I've finally found the time to finish this and get it up. And I'm extra sorry because, well, this is the chapter most of you have been waiting for…**

Chapter 13

_February_

_Oh, God._

_I run my finger over the rash on Riley's stomach. It's bright red and blotchy, and when I touch it, she screams even louder. She tries to scratch it with her little fingers but I keep them away._

_Peyton comes to stand beside me and obscures my light, so I pick Riley up and take her over to the bad, lay her down._

"_What is it, Brooke?" Peyton asks. When I show her the rash, she says, "Oh god, Jenny had one of those around a month ago. I think Jake said you need to check if she has a fever."_

_I try, but my hand's too sweaty and I can't tell. By now I'm really scared, because she hasn't stopped crying, and now she's scratching it, it's coming out worse. Sure, she's had diaper rash before, but nothing this bad. And I panic._

"_I'm taking her to the hospital." I pull her all-in-one back over her and frantically strap her into her car seat, looking around my room for my keys._

"_Brooke, it's probably nothing–" Peyton starts, but I cut her off._

"_Peyton, this woman at my new moms' group, Mary, her baby died of meningitis because they thought it was nothing. So I'm going."_

_Peyton tries to argue, but she can see I'm not going to change my mind, so she pulls her phone out of her pocket._

"_I'll call Lucas."_

December

"Ok, Riley-Bean, you are going to stay here and be really, really good for Karen, and then when I finish my shift, I am going to came back and take you home, right?"

Riley just looked up at me, her mouth in a little 'o'.

I was still a little teary from the mother and baby group I'd gone to just that morning, when Mary, formerly known as 'Lemon Woman', told us how it was the first anniversary of her daughter's death. One minute she was fine, the next minute she was rushed into hospital, and then she was gone. She was only eighteen months old. It had made me even more reluctant to leave Riley, but I knew I had to.

Hang on, it sounds like I'm going on some epic journey here, but the day it all happened was the day of my first shift at the café. Karen had even set up a cot behind the counter wall for Riley to stay in while I worked. She was just being so kind about everything that, even if I didn't need the money, I would feel like I owed her something, at least.

So I blew a kiss at Riley and tied my apron around my waist, then took a deep breath in and stepped out into the café.

Karen gave me a warm smile and told me just to check all the customers were ok, what they wanted to eat and drink, et cetera, et cetera. The first half hour was pretty uneventful, just one couple who kept changing their mind about which coffee they wanted. But then, I'd just come out from the kitchen, and I noticed someone at the window table who hadn't been there before, so I went over to take his order.

I still can't believe I didn't recognise him. Yes, he was a little taller and his hair was shorter, but he was wearing his orange top, the one that sets off his eyes perfectly. I should have recognised that top anywhere.

"Oh, hey, Brooke. My mom said you worked here now." He said, smiling, as if he was almost laughing at me. That's when I realised just how messy the situation could have become. If Riley had cried, and I had to go and sort her out…

"Hi, Lucas." I said.

I tried to walk away, but he caught my hand and held me there.

"Look, Brooke. I know I'm not your favourite person right now, but can't we just talk? I want to know how you are." he pulled out a chair and looked up at me hopefully.

"I really have to get on with work…" I tried to resist, but it was so hard. I just wanted to sit down and tell him everything.

"Don't worry, my mom said it would be ok for you to talk to me. Please, Brooke." he looked at me with those eyes, those same eyes as my little girl, and I had no choice but to sit down. If not to tell him about Riley, then just to talk.

"I didn't know you were coming up." I lied.

"Oh, yeah. I actually… well, I came up here with my girlfriend, Hannah," he raised his eyebrows, waiting for me to react somehow, but I just nodded, so he carried on. "She's really into acting and there's this big audition in Wilmington in a couple of days, so she's staying with us and then going back down for Christmas."

"Oh yeah?" I shifted in my chair, trying to be as nonchalant as possible. "How long have you been dating?"

"Oh, well, oh, I guess it must be almost eight months now. It goes fast, you know?"

I nodded, even though eight months ago, before I even found out I was pregnant, seems like a lifetime away. Then I laughed a little at us, talking about Lucas' love life, when the eight week old who would, for sure, ruin it, was gurgling away just behind the wall.

"What's she like?" I couldn't care less really, I just wanted to keep my mind off what I was doing – to Lucas, to Riley, to myself.

"Brooke, come on. I don't want to talk about her, not to you, and I know you don't. I want to talk about you. How are you?"

"I've been better." I admitted.

"Yeah, what's up?" he leaned in, and though it seemed like he genuinely cared, I just couldn't sit there and lie to his face. It had been so easy - well, easy-ish - to keep it from him when he was in Charleston, because he was never actually there to remind me that I wasn't telling him. And then there was the added fact that now, anyone could let on at any time that I'd had a baby, and then he'd figure it out for sure. No. I just couldn't talk to him.

"You know what, Lucas? You can't just waltz in here and ask me how I am. Where were you the past ten months?" I pushed my chair back and stood up. "Don't even try to pretend to care about me now. You could have done that anytime you were away, just a little phone call. Or how about when we were dating, instead of sleeping with my best friend?"

"Brooke, we told you, we didn't–"

"I don't care if you did or you didn't, Lucas. I - I've got bigger things to worry about."

And I just walked away.

I was so shocked at my sudden outbreak, so freaked out from seeing Lucas there and just so tired that I sunk down onto the floor in the kitchen and cried.

I cried and cried like I hadn't since that night in June when I found out I was pregnant. I think I'd let it all bottle up inside me; all my feelings and emotions, and now the cap was open, it was hard to stop them all flowing out.

I cried until Karen came in to say my shift was over and I could go home.

I was planning on going straight to Penny's, but almost as soon as I left the café, the back way in case Lucas was still there, I got a call from Peyton asking me if I wanted to meet up and go shopping. I really wasn't up to it and I looked a wreck, but we'd hardly seen each other at all for a while and I was missing her, so I agreed.

As soon as we entered the first shop, I knew it was a big mistake. Money's tighter than I thought it would be, and I'm not good at browsing in shops without buying anything. Plus, Peyton was in her 'oh, the whole world's against me' mood, which didn't help matters.

"And so Principal Turner said I couldn't wear the shirt, which is totally stupid, because it's only song lyrics, and they're not even that offensive. He let me off, because it was near the end of the day. I think I might wear it tomorrow though, just to piss him off." she joked, and looked across at me. "Brooke, are you alright?"

"Yeah, it's just that I've had to listen to a skinny blonde cheerleader for ten minutes while she moans about school, not realising that I would give pretty much anything to be there." I retorted. It's funny, but I didn't realise how mean it sounded until I said it. I didn't regret it though – I wanted her to know how lucky she was to actually be able to finish her senior year, rather that having to stay home with a baby. I mean, I love Riley, I really do, but sometimes I do feel like I'm missing out.

Peyton turned towards me and frowned. "God, Brooke, why are you being such a witch with a B?" she asked.

I was about to reply with some smart-ass remark, but a) I couldn't actually think of one, and b) she didn't deserve it. I mean what had she actually done to receive a stupid, mean comment?

I sighed and looked her in the eye, while absentmindedly playing with a beaded necklace that had caught my attention. "It's just… it's just that I saw Lucas today." I looked down at the necklace and waited for her response.

"Oh. Did you tell him about Riley?" she asked hopefully, but she could tell by the look on my face that I hadn't.

"It just wasn't a good time."

"Oh, come on, Brooke!" she threw her arms up. "When is it ever going to be a good time? Yeah, 'Oh, by the way Lucas, you have a two month old daughter.' How's that going to go down in any circumstances?"

"Exactly, Peyton. That's exactly why I didn't tell him. I… well, I'm scared of what he'll think of me." I proceeded to play with the necklace even more, moving the beads up and down the chain, twisting them around. It had a strangely therapeutic effect.

"Come on, you have to tell him sometime. Maybe the god of the in-denial mothers sent him here. Like fate."

"Goddess of the in-denial mothers." I corrected her.

"Brooke, you have to tell him." Peyton lifted my head and looked deep into my eyes.

And with that, the necklace broke.

So, somehow, I ended up in Peyton's car with Riley in the back, outside Karen's house. I was just sitting there, watching the front door, but I could feel Peyton's eyes burning a little hole in me. So I opened the door and started to climb out, changing my mind and sliding back in again about five times, before Peyton literally pushed me out of the car.

"I'll be just down the street with Riley if he wants to see her," she smiled encouragingly and gave me the thumbs up.

It seemed to take an eternity to walk up the path to Lucas' front door. I felt myself noticing things I never had before – how the pots either side of the door weren't identical; how there was a little couch round the side; I hadn't even registered the house number before. And then, without realising it, I was at the door and knocking on it, one, two, three times.

I'd always assumed that Lucas would answer the door and I could just tell him then and there. I'd never realised the possibility that it wouldn't be him I saw first, so I was a little taken aback when the door swung open to reveal a skinny girl with kind of strawberry blonde hair.

"Hi," I said, trying to peer round her, into the hall. "Is Lucas in?"

"Yeah, I'll just get him. Who should I say it is?" the girl replied. She sounded British, and I remember thinking just how 'Lucas' it was, to have a strawberry blonde girlfriend with an English accent.

"Um, it's Brooke."

"Ok, sure." She bounded down the hall and reappeared a few moments later with Lucas on her arm. "I'll leave you to talk. I'll be in the kitchen if anyone wants me."

Lucas took my hand, closing the door behind him. He sat down on the top step of the porch and looked at me imploringly.

I tried four or five times to tell him what I wanted to say, but nothing came out. Everything was there in my head, but none of it would force its way through my lips.

"Brooke?"

I smiled apologetically and tried to begin. "There's something I really need to tell you, something really important. It's about me, and kind of about you, and, oh…"

"Brooke, what's going on?" Lucas frowned. "Brooke, come on, you're scaring me now."

"Ok." I took a deep breath in, feeling like all the eyes in the world were on me, waiting for me to chicken out. "Ok, I have a daughter. Her name is Riley and she's two months old. And–" My eyes fixed on Lucas', wide with disbelief and horror. "And she's yours." I paused, not quite sure what to say next.

Lucas stayed silent, just letting out a quiet 'oh', and rubbing his thumb and first finger together, just like he does when he's nervous or anxious.

"I can tell you anything you want. She was born on October 20th by C-Section, emergency, she has your eyes, my hair, well, mine and Peyton's. I know I've been really selfish, keeping it to myself, but –"

"No, wait." Lucas cut me off. "Is this true? Really?"

I nodded solemnly, biting my lip.

And then he told me about the HCM.


	14. January

**Ok, some good news and some bad news. Good news is we have now surpassed 150 reviews! That is way more than I've _ever_ got for a story, and I'm not even finished yet. I would love, and I mean _love_ to reach 200, but (and this is the bad news) there are only two chapters left, this one and one more. But, at last count, we only need 43 more reviews to reach the big 2-0-0, and there were 25 posted for that last chapter alone, so fingers crossed! I know you can do it!**

**And by the way, to those who asked, HCM is Lucas' heart condition. Basically (and I researched this) it causes the heart tissue to thicken, and can cause shortness of breath, headaches and even heart attacks. I hope you're less confused now!**

**Anyway, hope you enjoy and (really!) hope you review!**

Chapter 14

_February_

_Peyton sits in the back seat with Riley as I drive like a maniac through the streets of Tree Hill, up to the hospital. When I cut a red light, she shouts, "Brooke! Slow down, please!"_

_I retaliate by pressing my foot down even harder. "Peyton, she's my baby. What if it's something to do with Lucas' heart condition?"_

"_But doesn't HCM hardly ever affect young kids?"_

"_Hardly ever, Peyton! I'm going to that hospital, and I'm getting there as fast as I can."_

_By the time we reach the car park, I'm weeping, half from the fear and anxiousness, and half from the fact that Riley's crying is driving me crazy._

"_Brooke!" I whip round to face the direction my name was called from. It's Lucas; he's running over here, a worried look on his face. "Brooke, what's wrong? Peyton said you were bringing Riley straight up here."_

_Peyton lifts the screaming red ball out of her car seat and rests her on her hip. "I'll just take her in." she says, and leaves me alone with Luke._

"_Brooke, what's the matter with her? Is she going to be alright?"_

_I look straight into Lucas' eyes and wipe a tear from my cheek._

"_I'm scared, Luke. I'm so scared."_

_And I fall into his arms._

January

It was New Year's Day when Lucas asked me to visit his grandparents.

"Brooke, how would you feel about taking a road trip to Buffalo?" he'd asked sweetly when he'd sat me down on the sofa.

"I would feel slightly better about it if I knew why we were going and why you were using such a creepy voice." I'd replied, making him smile.

It turned out that his grandparents, Karen's mom and Dad, lived in upstate New York, and after Lucas had told them about Riley, they'd asked to see her. I was reluctant; I didn't know how they'd be with me, and if they'd blame me for dragging their grandson down, but since they'd asked to see Riley, I thought they'd probably be alright.

We were due to leave mid morning a couple of days later, and stop overnight somewhere in Pennsylvania where Lucas had cousins. But Riley had been up all night so I woke late, and I promised myself I'd go and talk to Kieran, Dad, whatever I'm supposed to call him. I ended up leaving the house only about ten minutes before Lucas was supposed to come and pick us up, so I left Riley with Penny and told myself I'd make it quick.

It turned out to be not so quick. I hadn't visited since before I saw Lucas at the café, so I had a lot to talk about. How Lucas was going to try and transfer back to Tree Hill to finish his senior year, how Hannah had gone back to Charleston and they weren't sure about what was going to happen to their relationship, now that he was a daddy. About how I was secretly glad, because this way he could focus on me and Riley. Riley most, of course, but we had to figure out just how this whole 'parents' thing was going to work.

When I checked my watch to see how I was doing for time, I was shocked and kind of surprised to find out I'd been there, talking to Kieran for almost an hour, and it was exactly 52 minutes past the time we were supposed to get on the road and get going.

After practically running to Penny's house – home, I guess, I was pretty surprised to find Lucas not pacing outside the door or frantically calling me like he normally would, but reading a book on the sofa. He was lying on his back with his knees brought up; Riley lay face up on his chest, gurgling with delight when he tickled her tummy. Occasionally she would raise her hand, as if she were pointing at a word, and Lucas would read it out, smiling. They looked so comfortable that I didn't want to disturb them, so I slipped into the room as quietly as I could and just watched them for a bit. I smiled to myself, because, after his little outburst, I knew he'd be a great dad.

_After Lucas finished telling me about his heart condition, he looked back at me, his eyes brimming with tears._

"_So…so you're not mad?"_

"_Are you kidding me? I'm furious! She's what, two months old and you didn't even have the decency to tell me? How selfish can you be?!" He paused, short of breath. "But, well, if this is true, and we really have a daughter, then we need to get her checked. They probably won't do it until she's a little older, but, god, she has a fifty-fifty chance of having it, or getting it…" he paused again. "Shit, I'm a father…" He trailed off._

"_Do you want to see her?" I asked tentatively._

_Lucas waited a while before replying. "Ok." he said quietly._

"_Ok. I'll be back soon." I left the porch and almost ran down to the end of the street to get Riley. It was only when Peyton asked me if I'd told Lucas that I realised that full enormity of what I'd done, and it just felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders._

_I walked back up the road, Riley in my arms, a huge smile spreading across my face. When I reached the porch, I settled myself again and carefully handed her to Lucas. She had been sleeping, but as soon as he carefully stroked her face, she stirred and opened those little blue orbs of hers._

"_Wow." he breathed._

"_What?"_

"_She really does have my eyes." He cradled her head in his hand and looked at me in awe. "Wow, Brooke, I'm a Dad."_

Lucas showed Riley the front cover of the book. "You see, Riley Bean, even though the book is called nineteen eighty-four, it was actually written in 1948, and this is just how George Orwell thought it would be in the future. And there's this all seeing, omnipresent being –"

"She's a bit young to be exposed to Big Brother, isn't she?" I interjected.

Lucas glanced up and laughed. "Don't start lecturing me when you're an hour late, Brooke." he smiled, "Penny's just sorting out a bag for you." then he continued talking to Riley. "And everyone in the city, they have this TV screen, and…"

Half an hour later, we were on the road and making good time. Lucas was driving, and I was in the back seat with Riley. But then she started crying, and I couldn't exactly feed her or change her diaper in the back of Lucas' truck, so we pulled into the next service station we came across to sort it out. Then we stayed for a cup of coffee, got a bite to eat, and sooner than we knew it, we were an hour behind schedule. So we sped up a little and tried to make the time up, but just down the highway there'd been a huge accident that took another forty-five minutes to pass, and then we had to stop again to change Riley, and it ended up getting later and later until it was already ten fifteen and we were only two thirds of the way to Pennsylvania.

Lucas pulled over at the side of the road and turned round in his seat to face me.

"Brooke, can you pass me that map, please?" he asked, pointing at an A-Z on the top of the map behind me. I passed it to him and leaned forward so I could see what he was doing.

"I thought you knew your way to your cousins'."

"I do." Luke closed the map and placed it on the seat next to him. "I was just looking for the nearest motel. There's one a couple of miles up."

"Won't they be disappointed? Your cousins, I mean." I sat back down and clipped in my seatbelt.

"We can visit tomorrow." When I frowned, he said, "Come on, Brooke, I know you're shattered. Riley is and I'm getting there. We'll sleep now and then set off early tomorrow." I thought this over a moment and realised that it probably was the best thing to do, so when Lucas saw the look of resignation on my face he pulled out and started looking for signs off the highway.

The motel was alright – nothing special but not too bad. The one thing Lucas neglected to tell me was that the room he booked at reception had a double bed.

Maybe he didn't know either; from the look on his face when he got the door open, it was possible. I guess the receptionist must have seen two people with a baby and thought 'double bed'.

There was complete silence, then Lucas slipped his bag off his shoulder and said, "Ok, I'll sleep…" he trailed off as we both realised that there was nowhere else to go. No chairs, no couches, nothing.

I picked up my bag and quietly placed it on the bed, pulled out my pyjamas and headed for the bathroom. I couldn't share a bed with him; we'd been through far too much.

When I came back out, Lucas had set up Riley's travel cot and was leaning over it, singing her to sleep. I stood watching him for a minute, wondering how he got to be so good at being a Dad in such a short time. At first, he was always nervous and asking for approval, just like I was when she was first born, but now, he's a natural.

Lucas straightened up and turned his head, jumping a little when he saw me. I shook my head to myself and sat down on the side of the bed, not wanting to get in or stand up any longer. Sensing my discomfort, Lucas sat down on the other side and pulled off his shoes.

"Brooke, it is possible to share a bed and not have sex, you know."

"I know, but –"

"But nothing. I'm going to sleep on this side of the bed, you sleep on that side. That's all."

I nodded quietly and slipped under the cover. Before I knew it, my head had hit the pillow and I fell into a deep slumber.

I woke up in the middle of the night because Riley was crying. After checking that Lucas wasn't watching, I pulled up my top to feed her, than after she'd finished, so snuggled down into my arms and fell back to sleep.

I carefully placed her back in her cot and was about to go back to bed myself, when Lucas turned over in his sleep so he was facing me. I took in a sharp breath as I realised just how little he had changed since this time last year, when we were dating. I found myself examining the soft contours of his face, the way his muscles showed through his thin t-shirt. And, as I pulled back the covers and lay down facing away from him, I found myself thinking.

I found myself realising, _Oh, god. Oh god,__ I'm falling again. _


	15. Epilogue: February

**Aaaah, this is the last chapter! And it's not even really a chapter, more of a rounding-off, sorry. But there is a lot of love out there for a sequel and I was in the vague stages of planning one anyway, so if anyone has any ideas or requests (especially for a title), give me a shout! Either author alert me or ask for a PM from me when I get started. I'd be only too happy to send one out. Oh, and we only have 24** **more reviews until 200, so fingers crossed!**

**Last of all, I just want to say a _huuuuuuge _thank you to absolutely everyone who reviewed – I haven't got space or time to name you all, but you are absolutely brilliant and I love you sooooo much. **

**I hope you enjoy the last instalment of _Bean_, and hopefully I'll see you soon with more of the story!**

**-Bella xxx**

Epilogue/Chapter 15

February

When I wake up I see Lucas, Peyton and Penny sitting next to me. I'm completely disorientated and it takes me a while to realise that I'm in a hospital bed. There's something not right about Peyton's face, so I assume the worst and sit up quickly. Penny stops me.

"Brooke, honey, calm down. You fainted in the car park so they brought you in here."

"What about –"

"Riley's with a nurse. They're just checking her over, but they should be back soon." As if on cue, a nurse pulls back the partition at the end of my bed just after Peyton stops speaking.

"Hey, Brooke, how are you feeling?" the nurse asks kindly.

"I'm fine." I lie. "Can I see Riley now? What's the matter with her?"

The nurse smiles and sits down next to the bad. "Riley is fine. The rash on her tummy is called urticaria – you probably know it as hives. It's very itchy, which is probably why she was crying so much. It should be gone within the next twenty four hours, but if it's not, bring her back in and we'll check her out again, ok?"

I half smile at how worried I got over hives. Hives, for god's sake. "What – I mean, what caused it?" I ask, trying to sit up.

"It could be an allergic reaction to something – milk, citrus fruit, insect stings and plants are the most common causes."

"She was playing in the garden earlier." Peyton remarks, and the nurse nods. I can't help but feel like a bad mother for kind of letting it happen, but I'm still hugely relieved that it's not something more serious.

"As I said, it should be fine, so you're both free to go." The nurse stands up. "She's just across the hall, in the cot."

I sit up slowly in an attempt to keep the dizziness at bay, and make my way over to Riley-Bean, who is smiling and kicking away like nothing ever happened. After talking to the doctor next to her and filling out a few forms, we're both discharged and I take her in my arms to go outside.

On the way, Lucas says, "Oh, by the way Pretty Girl, happy birthday. I haven't got your present with me, but I have got Riley's." he pulls out of his backpack a denim dress with pink gingham detail and a matching top. It's really, really cute.

Peyton and I laugh. "You do realise that it's not her birthday for another nine months, right?"

"Yeah," he shrugs and slips his arm round my waist, "but I saw it when we were out the other day and she seemed really taken by it."

I look to Peyton, the position of Lucas' arm feeling better than it should. "Her finger may be small, but she can already wrap her daddy right round it." I joke. "She must have inherited that from me."

A year ago, I didn't really have a family. Sure, I had 'parents', but they weren't even really in my life. And since the rest of my relatives live in the west or up north, I relied on Peyton and sometimes even Lucas to provide the typical family stuff.

But, as Peyton laughs, I look at Riley and she's beaming up at me, and I realise that now, this is my family. Lucas Scott, Peyton Sawyer, Penny Cottrell. Mom and Daddy Davis. Haley and Nathan Scott, Jake Jagielski. And last, but most definitely not least, Riley Marie Scott-Davis. We may not have the same surname, but we're family alright.

And somehow, we're going to make it through.


	16. Raincheck!

Hey y'all! Just thought I'd check in and give you all an update on the sequel!

I don't have an ETA yet, but I'm going to finish another story first and then start writing it. I may well try and write it all before posting, though, just as a warning, so it could be a while before anything's up.

I promise I'm thinking about it though! I've got the first few chapters kind of pencilled out so far. I know some of you asked me to skip forward a couple of years, but I really wanted to see how Brooke and Lucas' relationship develops, so it's set directly after _Bean _at the moment. But hey, maybe in a further sequel, who knows?!

So if anyone's got anything they want to see, let me know. And I mean anything – huge storylines or just a word you want to see someone say – and I'll try my best to get it in! Oh, and especially if anyone's got any ideas for a title, that would be fantastic – I'm really struggling on that one.

Again thank you for your continuing support and all your lovely reviews – hopefully I don't disappoint you when I finally get it posted!

TFxxx


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